Total pages in book: 92
Estimated words: 85277 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85277 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
I look up and think I blush a bit. “Depends on the time of the day. He was clean-shaven this morning, but he had a good five-o’clock shadow going by three o’clock.” I drop my head back on the back of the couch and close my eyes. Seeing his eyes right away, the smirk he gave me, the way he asked about my husband, not swallowing before I answered. Then his eyes suddenly lighting up with mischief.
“You like him?”
My eyes snap open as I turn to her. “No! No, I don’t. Absolutely not. I don’t like him at all.”
She giggles as she takes another sip. “He hit my freaking car, Kay, and then the asshat asked me if I was drunk,” I plead my case. “Drunk at fucking eight a.m.”
“He’s gotten under your skin! There hasn’t been anyone who’s pushed you this far. Well, there was Pacey from Dawson’s Creek…”
“Hey!” I point at her. “Joey went sailing with him all summer! Just because Dawson is there and crying, she thinks she should be with Pacey. He was always her choice.” I pour myself another glass, spilling a bit as I do it.
“Do you think he manscapes?” she asks, putting her glass down on the table, while I just down another one.
“I have no idea, but I would guess it’s probably manscaped. I mean, who doesn’t manscape these days?” I look over and wonder.
“Some like to be free and let things be natural; there is nothing wrong with that. Don’t judge. Well, unless you have to suck his dick, then by all means, you put your foot down. You don’t need to be choking on long pubic hair. In fact, if you think it isn’t, then just run. Run fast, like he’s waving a bomb in front of you.”
I nod at her. I should probably be taking notes. I feel like I should be taking notes so I can remember this.
“Shoes?”
“Nice. Black ones.” I look at her, my eyes opening wide. “And clean. Very nice.” I hate when guys don’t have clean shoes; it’s like having dirty feet. Ewww.
“Teeth? Straight? Crooked? White? Stained? Stinky breath?”
I tilt my head to the side and remember if he smiled today. I saw him smirk, I saw him glare, I saw his jaw muscle tic, but I’m not sure I saw his teeth. “I don’t know.”
“Big hands?”
“Oh yeah, so big.” I open my hands wide to make her see how big, but I shake them a bit “This big.” I motion with my hands, making big circles.
“You think he has a big dick?” I stop moving.
“He would have to. You can’t be that good-looking and have a small penis. Actually, maybe that’s why he’s such an asshole! His penis is small. He has small penis syndrome.” I look at her, waiting for her input. “I mean, why else would he be smoking hot and an asshole, unless…”—I giggle—“unless it’s so big it hurts when he walks.” I put my hand over my mouth and laugh out loud. “I can’t sleep with him. He’s my boss and besides, he doesn’t even like me.”
I rise from the couch, picking up my glass of wine and spilling whatever was left in it on the floor. “I need a dog, so if I spill something, he can lick it up.” I look over at Kaleigh, and she is silently laughing. “You think we can get a dog and train him to bite my boss?”
“Yes, I think you just need to bring a picture and a sweater with you to training school so they can use his scent. They’ll train the dog to attack your boss as soon as he gets close.”
My mouth forms an O. “Oooh, we need to look into that,” I say. And that is the last thing she says to me.
The next thing I know, I’m lying in my bed with her on the other side. “You think he doesn’t like me because I’m old? Or ugly? Or is it because I’m fat?”
She leans over and strokes my cheek. “You are not old. You are the opposite of ugly, and you are definitely not fat. He acts like he doesn’t like you, because he probably likes you too much. Remember Ricky in the third grade who chased you with a frog because he loved you? This is just the adult version.”
“No way would he go for someone like me. He did say I had a tight ass, though. That means he was looking at it, right?”
She tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “He was definitely checking you out.”
I close my eyes. The room is spinning as the day replays in my head. I fall asleep to the sound of Kaleigh talking about a beef vegan soup that she is going to try to make, minus the beef, of course.