Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 81597 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 408(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 272(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81597 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 408(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 272(@300wpm)
“Confused, tired.” I shrugged, not really knowing how I felt. “Doesn’t really feel real that I’m out yet. I know that must sound bizarre, I’ve not been in there that long, but it’s already fucked with my head so much.”
“It doesn’t sound bizarre. It was unexpected and undeserved. You didn’t know what was going on.”
“I still don’t, and I don’t know if that’s a blessing or a curse.”
Mason’s eyebrows pursed together and his lips curled downwards into a frown, almost as if he was contemplating something. “Do you want to know?”
“Do you know?”
“Yeah. I’m telling you Jake is Columbo in disguise.”
I would’ve laughed, but nerves mixed with curiosity rendered me unable to move. “Then…yes. Yes I think I do.” The what ifs and whys would only continue to torture me if I didn’t.
“Your father arranged to have those drugs planted in your pocket, it was also your father who got the charges dropped.”
“Wait, what? My dad? Why did he…wait, why would he get me out if he wanted me in there in the first place?” This didn’t make any sense.
“Jake didn’t leave him much of a choice.”
“Why would he do that to me? My own father?”
What had I ever done to make him hate me so much?
“I don’t know, Ry. To be honest I didn’t care, all I was concerned about was getting you out of that hell hole.”
“So you’ve seen him? How did you find out? He just told you?”
“It’s a long story. We went to see your mom first to try and find out what happened before you got arrested. Then we looked into that guy who ran into you at the pub but didn’t get anywhere. Then when some interesting things came to light about your dad, Jake used him to try and get you out. He kind of admitted it by accident after that.”
“I don’t think I can talk about this right now,” I confessed, my stomach rolling and tipping bile up towards my throat.
“I’m here when you do, and if you don’t, I’m here too. This is over now and we can move on. Together.”
“Mason I…” I could do this. I could tell him. I could be honest like I said I would. “Doesn’t matter.” Or maybe not…
“Yes it does. Everything matters, Ry. Tell me,” he coaxed gently, brushing along my arm with the back of his fingertips. I’d missed his touch so badly.
“I…well when…Look I…”
“Take your time, babe. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I did something stupid while I was in there. I know I said I’d talk to you but you weren’t there. Nobody was there. And it was so intense, it was too much. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t feel anything but pain and fear and guilt. I tried not to but it got too strong. I didn’t-”
“Shhhh,” Mason soothed, palming my cheek and interrupting my nervous ramble. “Did you hurt yourself? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”
“Yes,” I breathed, barely a whisper. I closed my eyes because I was too embarrassed to look at him, to let him see how weak I felt.
He didn’t reply – not with words anyway. Instead, he wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled my head into his chest. We stayed like that, in silence with him holding me for what could’ve been a lifetime, but of course everything comes to an end, and he broke away.
“Can I see?” he asked gently.
“Um…”
No.
Why?
They’re horrible.
I’m horrible.
“Ryder I’m going to see you naked again at some point.”
“But…”
“Once I’ve seen them you can relax with me. If you don’t, you’ll keep holding yourself back a little. You’ll keep worrying about it, because I know you are. I can see it in your eyes.”
Thinking he was probably right, but still feeling more ashamed than I’d ever felt in my life, I reluctantly sat up on the mattress and tucked my hands into the waistband of my pants, ready to wriggle out of them.
“You cut your legs?” he asked, the surprise evident in his tone.
I simply shrugged, again too embarrassed to make eye contact. I kept my gaze firmly locked onto my feet as I tugged down on my pants. I counted my toes one way and then back again, anything to divert the idea that he was looking at me, looking at them.
“Oh, Ryder.” He sighed softly. Hearing his voice, I closed my eyes, the toe counting becoming ineffective. Feeling the mattress sink beside me, I held my breath, knowing Mason was moving but not being sure why. Then I felt him. His lips. The heat of his kiss landing on each one of my barely healed scars in turn. He moved again, my skin missing his presence already, and then I felt his warm breath caress my neck. “I love you.”
Gently, he pushed me back down so I was lying on the mattress, my eyes never opening. He curled his whole body around mine, pinning me to him, then he rested his cheek against my pounding heart and we stayed that way until I drifted to sleep.