Total pages in book: 169
Estimated words: 156210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 781(@200wpm)___ 625(@250wpm)___ 521(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 156210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 781(@200wpm)___ 625(@250wpm)___ 521(@300wpm)
I now hate Kyran’s brother even more. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You may have put me in a tough position, but I would have died without your help that night. I’m glad I never met him,” I say, meeting Kyran’s eyes so he understands how much I mean that.
He holds my gaze, then looks away, as if my declaration embarrasses him. “Sorry about unleashing all this on you. Nobody ever knew me the way you do, and I barely know anything about your life.”
A lump gets stuck in my throat, and I’m a deer in the headlights, because while I let him pour his heart out, encouraged him even, sharing any of my reality feels so painful I recoil on the inside.
I want to push away his questions with cynical jokes about being fine as long as I have coffee and French fries. I want to tell him I have a black soul so nothing can hurt me, but I settle on, “My life is terribly boring, so there’s not much to know. I’m not a prince. I work at Best Burgers Bonanza, and I’m not even employee of the month.”
“I don’t believe you,” Kyran says, playing with my fingers as I hear a rhythm in the distance, as if someone is playing music. “You risked your life to save a little beast, you make tinctures that make water smell divine, and you can draw things from your imagination. That’s quite incredible. Oh, and you make amazing fries,” he adds, as if he believes the fast food I served him at Best Burger Bonanza was my own culinary creation.
I smile at the memory of him sitting in the mint-colored booth at the back of the restaurant, slurping a milkshake. I guess white milk must have been a novelty.
I turn around so I’m resting my back against him again, because I’m afraid I might cry if I keep facing him. I’m not a crybaby. I’m strong, I depend on myself, and I buried my traumas so deep I don’t need to dig them up anymore.
“I live with my mother, I have to pay her rent, but at least the house is nice. Though she’s awful, so I hope to move out in the future.” Maybe to the Nightmare Realm. “Sadly, she’s also right about many things. I’m nothing special, my art is just about average, and I can’t actually cook, I just put together ingredients. I know this might sound like I’m fishing for compliments, but I’m not. I’m just facing reality.”
I don’t want pity, but when he hugs me, my eyes sting and my chest aches as if it’s about to start bleeding all the infected pus I’ve gathered there over the years. “You can’t believe that. You are smart, and graceful, beautiful, and a real artist.”
I shrug, but my insides still flutter at the compliments. Best I ever got back home was “nice hair”, or “you really know how to suck dick”. “Smart? I never even finished high school.”
“High school, low school, doesn’t matter! You fit in so easily, and understand people, and... you say such funny things, like that comment about cows. Others want my favor, but you are always truthful. You listen. You’re bright like a flame in the middle of a dark forest full of bloodthirsty beasts.”
My little goth heart beats faster at the fuzzy feeling thrumming through it. He really likes me. Not just because he wants to secure my shadow. All I need to do is trust him.
“That is… very sweet.” I put my hand over his. I can sense his warmth through the glove, and it puts me at ease.
“Maybe I feel tainted because my mother never wanted me in the first place.”
“What do you mean?”
I have to take a deep breath and fight the instinct to avoid burdening others with my personal issues. Kyran has shared so much about his parents. He deserves the same trust in return. “She got married young because she got pregnant with me. Her husband convinced her to keep me, even though she didn’t want to. I know, because she told me many times. He left us a few months after I was born. I never even met my dad, but no regrets about that. He must have been an awful person.” I rub my eyes, frustrated that talking about this causes me so much pain. I shouldn’t care about it anymore. “I don’t know if it’s because she had to take care of me on her own, or because I’m the son of a man she hates, but she never failed to make sure I knew just how painfully lacking I am. When I got to my teens and started acting out, things went even more downhill. But at least I’m no longer trying to please her. Nothing I’ll ever do will be good enough.”