Total pages in book: 152
Estimated words: 140629 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 703(@200wpm)___ 563(@250wpm)___ 469(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 140629 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 703(@200wpm)___ 563(@250wpm)___ 469(@300wpm)
Caspian shrugged. “Who doesn’t? Bunch of low-lifes got burned to a crisp. Why?”
Gunner squinted and crossed his arms. Memories were in freefall and cut his soul with their sharp edges. “Yeah, pretty much what you said back at school. That they deserved it and that no one would miss trailer trash scum. One of those bikers was my dad. And yeah, he was not a good guy, but when I heard you trash-talking him like that at school, laughing about his death, I lost my shit. You became my target, and that was that. So yeah, being small didn’t win you favors with me at the time, but you crossed the line. Because I was jealous. Because I was that scum, and didn’t even have a dad anymore, when you had everything.”
Caspian went very quiet, but then pulled Gunner to sit in his lap and squeezed his hand. He took in air, as if he wanted to say something, but in the end just shook his head and rested his forehead against Gunner’s shoulder. It took him another three seconds for him to open his mouth again.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
Gunner took a deep breath and pressed his face to Caspian’s cheek. Tears burned his eyes, but he wasn’t ashamed of it for once, because Caspian wasn’t like the other men in his life, and wouldn’t judge him for a moment of weakness. “My life went off the rails after that. I missed school, I was on drugs half the time. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you anyway, but I couldn’t stand the look of you. And yet I wanted to be you.”
“You didn’t. I was miserable,” Caspian said in a tight voice and squeezed his hand on Gunner’s knee. “Scared of going to school.”
Gunner wrapped his arms around the thick neck and breathed in the faint aroma of cologne and smoke that still clung to Caspian. “I don't know how to fix that. I’m sorry. Hope college was better for you. You no longer had to mix with the likes of me.” Maybe the universe was actually playing a joke on Caspian, not him, by forcing him to interact with the man he wished to forget.
But Caspian swallowed and met Gunner’s eyes. “The world must have really turned on its head. Because I like being around you. Don’t know if it’s this body, or if you’ve been hiding who you truly are, but you’re not how I remember you at all.”
Gunner hesitated but ended up leaning in for a kiss, charmed by the softness in Caspian’s voice. “Right back at you. You’re kind, not snotty. How did it go tonight? You paid Snowman for the next two weeks, but time’s always ticking. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.”
Caspian let out a groan. “Why didn’t you tell me about the strippers? Todd started a fight because I didn’t want to have my dick sucked in public!”
Gunner’s shoulders sagged. “Right. That. I had a busy day. I didn’t think about it.”
Caspian shook his head. “You need a better job.”
“I’ve got a tattoo covering half my face. Who’s gonna give me a sensible job around here, huh?” He wished he wasn’t sitting in Caspian’s lap, being grilled about things he didn’t want to discuss.
“Why did you get it in the first place?” Caspian asked, sliding his arms around Gunner and pulling him closer. As unnerved as Gunner was, with Caspian holding him like this, a real conversation didn’t seem impossible. As if he didn’t have to shrug off uncomfortable topics or get defensive.
“It’s… I was going through a bad time after Dad’s death, I dropped out of school ‘cause I couldn’t keep up anyway. I don’t remember that time very well, because I was on drugs, but I had the smart idea to commemorate the club. They were called Rabid Hyenas. So here we are. A hyena skull on my face.” He sighed and stroked the ink etched into the left half of Caspian’s face. “I don’t dislike it on you. The design’s cool, just like the others on my body… but it’s closed a lot of doors.”
Caspian sighed, moving his hand up and down Gunner’s back, as if he wanted to soothe him. “Must have been really hard without your dad…”
Gunner swallowed, hugging Caspian tightly. No one had ever spoken to him about it this way. He’d gotten a few silent pats on the back with a bit of sympathy, but never this kind of acknowledgement, because he’d always been expected to ‘take it like a man’.
“He wasn’t a good guy. A part of me was even relieved that he was gone, because he could get really violent when things didn’t go his way, kicked me out whenever he brought women home, but… I was seventeen, my brother was eight, so I had to fend for myself. Making sure I seemed tough to everyone around was the only kind of survival I knew.”