Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 61531 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 308(@200wpm)___ 246(@250wpm)___ 205(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 61531 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 308(@200wpm)___ 246(@250wpm)___ 205(@300wpm)
His body falls over mine, and I relish in the feel of his heavy heartbeat against me. Kisses rain up my back as his lips capture his favorite spot and latch onto my shoulder blade. “You’re going to pay for that,” he hums against my skin, gliding his tongue up my neck and capturing my earlobe.
“I hope so,” I reply between trying to catch my breath.
He sucks on my earlobe, his hands working up my side until his fingers graze into my hair. He pulls my head back and fuses his lips to mine. “Glad you’re home.”
His words take flight in my head, and I fight not to put too much meaning to them. In a perfect world, where judgment and scrutiny aren’t always on the frontlines of debate, I imagine this as my home—being free of all the scorn and the taboo spotlight. We definitely wouldn’t be the only couple in the world with an age gap. There’s at least one other couple. I laugh to myself, thinking about Dad and Violet. God, how fucked up are we all?
“What are you thinking about?” He releases me and climbs off the bed. I don’t answer him until we’re cleaned up, and he’s wrapping me in a silk robe.
“Do you ever think about Dad and Violet?” I ask.
He throws a shirt over his head, cocking his head to the side. “Am I thinking of your father and your roommate while fucking you? Not particularly.”
“Gabriel, that’s not what I mean. Their relationship. Do you ever wish we had that?”
He steps into a pair of shorts and turns to address me. The strain in his eyes makes me wish I didn’t bring it up.
“Hazel, we’ve talked about this.”
“Have we? We’ve talked about me being yours. And continuing what we’re doing. But is that all we are? A sexual relationship?”
“You know that’s not the case.”
“Do I?”
He huffs and leaves the room. I should have kept my mouth shut. But how long can I keep these concerns to myself? I want more, but deep down, I wonder if I’d actually walk away from him or suffer through settling until he let me go.
“Gabriel, wait. Just hear me out. I’m just saying we should talk about it. My dad may understand. Ever since Violet—”
He whips around, his carefree smile gone. “Hazel, we’ve gone over this. Things are different with us.”
“They don’t have to be.”
“They do have to be. I have a lot riding on this. I want you. God knows I do, but that doesn’t mean I’m in a spot to risk everything for it.”
He might as well take a knife and stab me in the heart for the pain his words inflict. I flinch and step back. “You know that’s not what I mean.” He comes back for me, but I slap his hand away when he tries to reach for me.
“No, I know exactly what you’re saying. I’m not good enough for you. I’m not important enough. I’m not worth it.”
“Hazel—”
“Screw you, Gabriel.”
Anger spreads across his face, his jaw wound tight. “Watch it, love. You may be able to play with me in the bedroom, but I won’t tolerate your mouth outside of it.”
His warning slides off me. I’m not fazed by his building temper. “And maybe I don’t give a shit.” He takes another threatening step toward me just as fast as I retreat. “Do you know what I think about at night when I’m not with you? What I would give up to be next to you? How I would sacrifice parts of myself just to be near you? To be yours. Fully. I dream about us being real. Not this dirty little secret. A secret that seems to be enough for you. But you know what? That’s just not enough for me anymore. Being yours means more than just being yours in the bedroom. And I can’t—I can’t be just that anymore.”
He wants to say something, but he remains silent, and it makes my heart break even more. Fight for me, Gabriel. Fight for us. Still, after the first tear falls, he remains silent.
“And you wanna know the saddest part in all this? For so long, I was okay with that. I was willing to stay. To be yours. Take any part of you I could get. Even if it killed me inside not to have all of you. I thought I was going to come here and confess the biggest secret of all. That I’m in love with you. But silly me.”
He stiffens at my confession as if I slapped him with my words. My heart slices in two. Maybe he’s been right the whole time. Maybe this fairytale isn’t meant for me, but I refuse to walk out of here until he knows every single secret I’ve kept hidden about the life I long for.