Total pages in book: 130
Estimated words: 129323 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 647(@200wpm)___ 517(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129323 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 647(@200wpm)___ 517(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
“How were you supposed to do that? You were eighteen, and your mom was a monster. Coming home would’ve set you back. Could’ve destroyed all you worked for.”
Which is the very reason I stayed away. It’s why I had to. But there were other ways.
“I could have called. I could have contacted you.”
“How?” she asks, placing her hand against my cheek. “You knew I didn’t have a phone. It was hard enough to keep the lights on, let alone pay a phone bill and have food.”
“I should have figured out a way.” I clear my throat. This conversation is harder than I thought. “Fuck, Cass. You thought I abandoned you…”
She leans her forehead on my shoulder, breathing in deeply.
“I did. But I also believed you had a good reason.”
I sigh heavily, shouldering so much guilt.
“At the time, I thought I did, but now, they all feel like pathetic fucking excuses.”
The truth is, I fell into a routine. One that I enjoyed. And I pushed my past behind me. Pip included.
“So tell me about what you were doing. Where did you go?” Her voice is full of curiosity. There’s nothing bitter about it.
My eyes glance up to the ceiling before looking back down.
“The day I left, I hopped on a bus. As I told you, there was a tryout. I impressed the coach, and it basically changed my life. What you did allowed for everything that came after boarding that bus, Cassidy.”
She smiles wide. “That’s all I wanted for you.”
I huff a laugh. “I won’t lie and say it was easy. I needed money in a bad way, so when I wasn’t playing, I was working. A lot.”
She bobs her head. “What did you do? I wanna know everything.”
I place a kiss on her cheek and tell her everything she wants to know.
“My options were really limited. With no formal education beyond high school, and with the fact that I couldn’t work during the day, it was tough. I took a job working nights stocking shelves at the local grocery store. I worked from midnight until six o’clock. Some days, I had to go straight to practice from the store. It was brutal.”
“Shit,” she says. “I can’t imagine.”
“Yeah, it sucked there for a bit,” I admit. “But I couldn’t complain. I was getting a chance that few kids in my position would ever have at their fingertips.”
She tsks. “When did you sleep?”
“I didn’t. When I tried, it was wherever I could lay my head.”
“Aiden. Are you serious?” Her voice is full of distress. Her eyes wide with shock.
“I’d crash after practice, sleep a few hours, eat, and then work. If I was lucky, I’d get to shower after practice. That was my life for two years. It’s not that I wanted to disappear…”
“You just couldn’t do both. You had hockey. If you wanted to play, you had to prioritize.”
I swallow because it’s not lost on me that I’m about to admit that yeah, Pip was not my priority. But I can’t lie to her. I won’t.
“Yeah.”
“You had to choose—” she says, but I cut her off.
“I shouldn’t have.”
She shrugs. “But you had to. I understand. It’s not easy to hear, but I understand, Aiden.” She blows a breath through her teeth. “What happened next?”
“I got into college. I got accepted to play on the hockey team, and after that, I was in deep. I saw my goals were closer than they had ever been, and I just couldn’t mentally go back to that place. I had to look forward. To stay on track.”
“I understand.”
I know she means that, and I appreciate how supportive she’s being, but it doesn’t make me feel any less of a shit. I chose my happiness over ensuring she was okay, and that makes me the world’s biggest dick.
“You had to be focused. You couldn’t risk it,” she says, making more excuses for me.
“It was selfish. I should have—”
“Stop. You did what you had to do. I probably would have done the same thing if I was presented with that opportunity. We had to do what was best for our survival back then, Aiden.”
“No, you wouldn’t. Because that’s not you, Cass. Never have been, never will be. You gave your last dollar to me so that I could chase my dream. That could’ve been the difference between you eating or not for a week.”
“You don’t know that.”
She looks away, looking uncomfortable, and that makes my stomach drop. How close to an accurate picture did I just describe? I can’t think about it because it will make me rage.
“You’re a good person,” I say, placing my hand under her chin and turning it so that she’s looking at me.
She furrows her brow, a look passing over her features that I can’t decipher, but it’s quickly gone. “What?” I ask, confused by the expression on her face.