Total pages in book: 43
Estimated words: 39971 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 200(@200wpm)___ 160(@250wpm)___ 133(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 39971 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 200(@200wpm)___ 160(@250wpm)___ 133(@300wpm)
Finally, I look at Janice.
"Well, I've decided one thing, at least, and that’s that I'm not going to tell Steve just yet. I mean, he just started his football career. I don't want to jeopardize that," I answer. “And I’m not sure if I’m going to keep it, so why bother him about something that might not even matter?”
Not after we haven’t even talked for six weeks!
I don’t say this part out loud, either, because I feel embarrassed about how sad and needy I’d felt ever since Steve left to start training with the Leviathans.
I know we said it was just one night, and then we had to part, but I was stupidly hoping he’d at least write to me or something. He didn’t have to go to the lengths of sending me an old-fashioned letter in snail mail, but a little email couldn’t hurt.
Still, I hadn’t heard a peep from him since that night he’d taken my virginity.
Did he want to just use me and throw me away? I wonder, hating to think that maybe Derek was right.
He’d always been so over-protective of me because he’d said that men are just horndogs who would break my heart. He hadn’t seemed to make any exceptions for any man—not even his best friend, Steve—and perhaps I’m just now seeing a glimpse as to why.
Is Steve just some player who likes to hit it and quit it… even with me?
I’d never thought of him like that and didn’t have any evidence to support the theory, other than the fact that he’d just disappeared like that after we’d finally made love.
And yet I didn’t want to unfairly condemn him by voicing my judgment against him out loud, because I could understand why he’d wanted a clean break.
We had to keep our distance because there was no way we could be together in real life. Society’s judgment against both of us would be too harsh, and there was no way that Derek would approve. It would ruin Steve’s long friendship with him, and my relationship with my own brother.
Still, I wish we could somehow find a way to carry on in secret.
Now that we’d made a baby, I didn’t see any way of making it work, and I just wanted to curl up into a ball in despair.
"Are you sure about that? You don’t want to let him know? What about you? I'm worried about you and how this is going to affect you," Janice confides.
"Don't worry about me. I'll be just fine," I answer.
In truth, I’m happy she’s thinking about me because I thought she might say that Steve has a right to know.
If I keep the baby, I would agree he has the right to know he’s a father, although I have no idea how I would tell him. But while I’m still deciding what to do, I think it’s between me, myself, and I.
And Janice, of course.
So, I’m glad she seems to see things that way, too.
"Are you really sure about that? This is a lot to be going through right now, especially with you starting school and everything," Janice presses. “Maybe you could use Steve’s support to help you decide what to do. He’s always been like another brother to you or something. Maybe even like an uncle or father figure. He’s kind of like the dad you never had— not really, anyway— even though you do have a dad, technically…”
“Yeah, I get what you mean,” I tell her, holding my hand up to stop her from going down this twisted path.
I can’t believe I got knocked up by someone who is like a brother or an uncle or even a dad to me! Someone who has known me since I’ve been a little girl and who has always helped take care of me.
It’s so embarrassing.
And yet I also like the idea of carrying Steve’s child.
I have so many mixed feelings right now that I don’t know what to do. Except to listen to Janice’s advice and give it a little time.
“But this is one thing I can’t go to him about,” I continue. “This whole situation is very… unorthodox.”
“I understand but what are you going to do now that the one person you’d always turned to for support and advice is the same person you don’t want to tell about this issue?” Janice asks. “Are you really sure this is such a good idea?”
"Yes, I can handle this. Just trust me on this," I insist.
I’ve managed to weather six weeks without having him in my life or talking to him at all, I want to tell her, but I don’t. I guess that’s the price I have to pay for sleeping with my “uncle”!
But at least it was really fucking hot.
I’m choking back a smile and Janice is looking at me strangely, as if wondering whether I’m all right or if I’ve gone completely mad.