Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 81150 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81150 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
“You miss it?” Deke asked.
“Yeah, some parts of it. And it’s great to see my family again. But…I don’t want to get used to it in case I lose it again.”
Deacon cursed. “I’m sorry, baby. I hate that you have to be afraid of that. I think it’ll be good, though. They seem to have come around, but if something does go wrong, you know that’s not because of you, right? That it’s them?”
He nodded. He did know that. His brain completely knew it. Sometimes his heart forgot.
“I love you,” Deacon told him. “I like saying that.”
Grady turned, looked at him, felt so damn much in his chest. “I like hearing it, and I love you too.”
They were quiet the rest of the way to the hospital.
His family wouldn’t be there for another hour or so, but they made their way up to the ICU waiting room and used the phone to call the nurses’ station to be let in.
“Should I stay out here?” Deacon asked.
Maybe he should say yes. Maybe it wasn’t appropriate for Deacon to go with him for that first time seeing his dad in so long, but Grady didn’t want that. He wanted Deacon with him. “If you’d rather, you can, but if you don’t mind, I’d like you to come with me.”
Deacon smiled. “I feel like we keep having this conversation. I just wanted to be sure, but with you is where I want to be.”
The door opened, and they entered the ICU. They’d been given a room number, and a nurse pointed them in the right direction.
Grady paused by the door and peered in. The head of the bed was elevated, his father sitting at an angle, the machines next to him beeping from time to time. He had an IV in and oxygen going, but he was awake and looking around.
He’d aged a whole lifetime since Grady had seen him last, making the tightness in his chest grow.
It eased slightly with the feel of Deacon’s strong, never-wavering hand at the small of his back.
“Grady,” his father said, his voice rough and breaking. “You’re here… You came…”
“I did.” Grady nodded but still wasn’t able to make himself move. “I have my partner with me…Deacon…this is Deacon. We’re…together.” It was important to him that his dad knew, that he understood their relationship before they stepped foot into the room.
His dad’s gaze traveled over to Deacon…one beat, then two and three between them before he gave a simple nod. “Good to meet you.”
“It’s good to meet you too,” Deacon replied, then followed Grady inside.
Grady wasn’t sure what to think. He was surprised at the rest of his family’s acceptance, but he’d figured they would be okay with it before his father. He didn’t know why he was there, why he’d been asked to come. “What do you want from me, Dad?” Maybe it was callous of him to put it all out there like that. Maybe he should ask how he was feeling first, but he couldn’t wrap his brain around this—his dad having his number, his dad wanting him there.
“I—” he started, but then his voice cut out. His wrinkled hands were trembling, and Grady reached for him, set his palm on the back of his dad’s hand. “Being a parent…it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You think you’re prepared, but you’re not. You think you have all the answers, but you don’t. I wasn’t easy on any of you, but I really screwed up with you. I know that. I’ve known that for a while, but I didn’t know how to…” He reached up, wiped a stray tear. Grady had never in his life seen his father cry. It wasn’t his way, wasn’t the way men should act according to his father, but he was crying now. “I, um…” He trailed off, his gaze shooting toward Deacon.
“You can say whatever you need to say in front of him. He’s here for me, in case I need him,” Grady admitted, because it was okay to need someone.
“Okay.” He wiped his eyes. “I’ve…I’ve been keeping a secret from your mama and your sisters. Things are okay for now, but that will be changing…”
Grady’s heart sped up. Deacon wrapped an arm around him while Grady tried to talk around the ball in his throat but couldn’t.
“Can I ask what it is?” Deacon said for him.
“Early-onset dementia. I’ve been forgetting things here and there, but I chalked it up to old age—that’s what I told your mama and the girls—but…I think I knew. I could tell something was wrong. I got checked, and it was confirmed.”
“Jesus… Dad, you can’t keep this to yourself.”
“I know, and I’m gonna tell them. And like I said, I’m doing okay so far, just little things, but we have no idea how fast it might progress. A man starts looking at his life a whole lot differently after getting news like that. You always think you’re making the right choice or have more time, or hell, believe things matter that really shouldn’t, not in the grand scheme of things.” He looked at Deacon again, then back at Grady. “It shouldn’t matter. And I don’t want to go, don’t want to lose my mind, knowing I let something like who you love come between us. I wanted to find you, to get ahold of you, but I was scared…so damn scared things were beyond repair, that I would go to my grave knowing I’d ruined our relationship, and then…then the strangest thing happened.”