Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 82415 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 412(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82415 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 412(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
“I know. I, um…I care about him too.” There was no denying that. I had no doubt it was written all over my face.
“You’re good for him. It’s nice to see him happy. I think…I think Elijah has held on to some ideas in his head for a long time, ideas of the way he thinks things were supposed to be. For as proud as he is, and despite his determination to be who he is, my son has fiercely protected his heart, relying on what’s safe so he doesn’t have to put himself out there.”
Danny. I was sure she was talking about Danny. Because maybe a part of Elijah had always known he didn’t love Danny and it was safer to spend his life wanting him than to truly put himself out there.
“But he’s risked it on you. No one knows my son like I do. I see it and…well, you’re worth it. Call it a mom’s intuition, but I don’t think you realize you are.”
I was shaking, standing there with my hand on the counter. I’d spent a lifetime hearing my parents argue and my own mom telling me not to be like my dad, but no one had ever told me I was worth it.
Deidre reached over and placed her hand on top of mine. “You hear me? You’re worth it. I wouldn’t bullshit you. If I didn’t think it was true, I wouldn’t have said it. That’s not how I play, but it doesn’t matter what I know. You need to see it yourself.”
It felt like there was a boulder in my throat. I couldn’t speak around it, could hardly breathe around it. God, I wanted her to be right. “I… Thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say.
The door opened right before Elijah said, “Mom, are you harassing him?”
“No. She’s not.”
Elijah helped us in the kitchen. When we were finished, he asked, “You okay?”
“Yeah, E. I’m good.”
We hung out for about an hour after that. I knew I was quiet on the way home, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Elijah and his family and what his mom said to me. There was nothing I wanted more than for her to be right.
When we got out of the car, I grabbed his hand and threaded our fingers together as we went to the elevator.
We went up.
Then we were walking down the hall.
And then we stopped between our apartments.
I grabbed his face, held it in my hands, and crushed our mouths together. I’d never needed anyone more than I needed Elijah in that moment. He stumbled backward into his door. His arms were around me, his hands sliding up my back, under my shirt. He whimpered into my mouth. I didn’t know what it was about that sound that made me chuckle. “We’re going to get arrested,” I said.
“It’ll be worth it.”
We laughed some more, fumbling for his keys. Elijah unlocked his door, and then it was as if we were magically in his room, standing by his bed, looking at each other. My feelings, that stupid, annoying L word I wanted to say but was afraid to feel, was there, on the tip of my tongue. I saw it reflected in his gaze and wanted to beg him to say it and to plead for him not to at the same time. I pulled off his shirt, then my own. We twined our fingers together again, and it was so ridiculous, but all I could think about was how perfect they fit together.
“What are you smiling at?” he asked.
“Nothing. I would die if you were inside my head right now.”
He laughed. “Mushy stuff, huh? You can be vulnerable with me. I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”
We kissed again and slowly stripped each other out of our clothes. Elijah was beneath me, his legs wrapped around me as we thrust together, forehead to forehead, tongues twisting together, hands and arms wrapped around each other. I’d had sex with a lot of people in my life, but none of it had felt like this.
“I don’t wanna screw up,” I whispered against his mouth. I didn’t know how to risk this, lose it, come back from it.
“You won’t,” he replied, but we both knew he couldn’t promise that.
“Fuck me?” I asked, and Elijah’s pupils blew wide. I knew he preferred to bottom, and that was what we always fell into, but tonight, tonight I wanted to feel him inside me.
“Yeah, yeah of course.”
I playfully rolled my eyes. “Of course, he says, like I asked to borrow some sugar.”
Elijah swatted my arm. “Shut up.”
I rolled off him and onto my back. He reached over and grabbed lube and a condom from his bedside table drawer. He wet his fingers, then leaned over and kissed me while he circled my rim, pushed in, one finger, then two, fucking me with them and stretching me as his mouth devoured mine.