Total pages in book: 17
Estimated words: 18928 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 95(@200wpm)___ 76(@250wpm)___ 63(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 18928 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 95(@200wpm)___ 76(@250wpm)___ 63(@300wpm)
I turned her over and kissed her long and hard soothing her with long strokes of my hand.
"Good morning beautiful girl."
"Morning daddy." She squeezed me and sighed before settling once more in my arms.
"You're taking the boys to school today." I felt her body tense, fuck, I didn't want to do this either but ever since I told her the story about my sister yesterday something's been nagging at me, I hated like fuck what was going on in my head but I had to do this.
"But daddy why, I hate...."
"I know but you have to do it okay."
She nodded yes but didn't say anything.
I was a fucking wreck for the whole twenty minutes or so she was gone. That morning while we both fed the boys breakfast I'd been hard pressed not to lose my shit and bar them all in the house, it had been five years, five wonderful years of bliss...for me and here is where the fuckery in my mind started, what had it really been for her?
When she came back I released the breath I'd not been aware of holding, she seemed subdued and unsure of herself and I thought it best to get the shit over with.
"We need to talk." I took her hand without farther ado and headed to the office.
Seating her in a chair across from me I pondered my next words carefully.
"I want you to spend more time in town..."
"What...?"
She was out of her chair and kneeling in front of me before I could blink. I couldn't touch her now, if I did, I would never get through this.
" Simone, I've been thinking...I took you against your will..."
"Daddy don't." She grabbed my hands in hers.
"Ssh, listen, I told you the story yesterday about my sister, the guy who took her also saw something he wanted." I was going to be sick, what the fuck had I done?
"Not the same..." She was shaking her head wildly.
"What if you're only staying because I didn't give you a choice, what if what you think you feel for me isn't real?"
"You want to send me away, you don't want me anymore, you're mad about the computer." She kept finding all these reasons why I was sending her away, which I wasn't, not really.
"It's none of those things baby, I love you, more than I ever thought possible, but what if I'm no better than him, what if..."
"Don't say that, you're not like that."
"Simone..."
"No daddy, no, you can't send me away, we can't be apart, I won't do it." She ran out the room. That was the first time she'd ever spoken to me like that in five years.
I went to find her and found her under the blankets with the covers over her head.
"Baby come out from under there and talk to me."
"Baby listen to me...."
"No you listen, I heard what you said about your sister, I'm sorry that happened to her, but you're not like him."
"Simone I chained you to my bed and forced myself in you...."
"Daddy, I know, I was there remember, I know what you're thinking and you're wrong, how could you not have known all this time, how could you not see?
You took me yes, and I was scared out of my mind in the beginning, but you never once hurt me, the first few weeks here I didn't know what to expect, but by the time we found out I was pregnant I was halfway in love with you already. You don’t see yourself, you're the kindest, gentlest person I know, you always put me first, now it's me and the boys, you drive yourself crazy trying to make sure we're safe, you shower us with gifts every chance you get, and do you remember when the boys were sick with fever as babies? You stayed up all night with them in your arms, and no matter how I begged you to put them down and get some rest you wouldn't leave them, not for a second. A monster wouldn't do that."
"But if I hadn't taken you maybe you would've had a better life somewhere." It burned me to say that but it had to be said, I'd opened a can of worms, one I hadn't known was there, how could I have missed the parallels?
"What if all you're feeling is just...in your head...?"
"I know what you're thinking and you're so wrong, my life before you was a shadow, I had no one daddy, why do you think I was hiking across the country alone? I was a very unhappy person back then, I was searching for something I didn't know what, until you cried when you held our son for the first time, that look on your face and the one you wear whenever you look at us, that's what I was searching for, so no, I won't be going into town more often, what for I belong here with you and the boys."
" I wasn't going to take them away from you, it would kill me to do it, but if you wanted to leave I would've let you go, I..."
"I'm not going anywhere..."
"You're not making this easy."
"I should make it easy for you to destroy our lives? I love my life with you, nothing else matters, now let's go make lunch I'm starving."
I sat there as she left the room; I guess I've been dismissed. Could she be right, could I be worrying for nothing? Man I hope so, I really hope so, my heart couldn't take it if she wasn't.
Chapter 13
The next few days were a bit tense for me; I hadn't touched Simone since that morning when we had the conversation. Every once in a while I'd catch her out the side of my eye giving me furtive looks but I was adamant about giving her space, letting her breathe.
I spent more time apart from her and the kids, spending hours in my workshop taking out my frustration on wood and pounding nails.
I felt like an addict coming down from a high, going through withdrawals after years of binging on a favorite drug.