Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 53693 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 268(@200wpm)___ 215(@250wpm)___ 179(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 53693 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 268(@200wpm)___ 215(@250wpm)___ 179(@300wpm)
Without my permission, my arms wrap around his neck, and I hold tightly to him. His grip around my waist tightens as he pulls me up and wraps my legs around his waist. Even through the thick fabric of my wedding gown, I can tell he is hard for me.
I wonder at this, how such an attractive man can be turned on by me. And he’s so much older and more worldly. Hes’ probably been with hundreds of beautiful, stick-thin women, his experience makes me look childish. And I suppose compared to him I am a child. But I’ve never experienced anything like this in my life. He’s flooding my senses, making me forget all rational thought.
Something rises from the pit of my stomach, and I moan into his mouth. A wetness gathers between my legs, and I want this man to know me. Where the thought of Niko touching me has made me feel sick to my stomach, the idea of Ivan slipping his fingers inside me makes me weak.
What must it be like to be touched by this man? To be fucked by him. I moan again, anticipating what else he can do to me. My body is consumed by him, a fire started by the kindling he lit inside of me. His chest is pressed against mine, and I feel his ragged breathing, his quick pulse.
I’m having the same effect on him that he is having on me, and the power is delicious. Is that what Papa has been shielding me from my whole life? Did he not want me to know the power I could have over a man?
As Ivan kisses me, I feel nothing but resentment and anger toward my father. Why have I been denied this choice? I always imagined my first kiss would be with Niko, a boy I’ve grown to barely tolerate. And it wouldn’t be my choice. Our first kiss would be shared at the end of an aisle with hundreds of people watching.
At the reception, the elders would celebrate and tell me what a lucky girl I am. They would refuse to see the pain behind my eyes, the fear of what I have to endure once I’m Niko’s bride. After the festivities, he would carry me away to an expensive hotel room and put his hands on my body because it’s his right. But I wouldn’t have given him that right.
On the other hand, I want to sign that right away to Ivan in my own blood. I want him to touch every inch of exposed flesh and make me scream out his name. It’s so strange to be so immediately attracted to this man I’ve only seen in photos. His eyes are much more inviting than I could have ever imagined. His taste is much sweeter.
His lips move down to my exposed neck, one of the only places he can reach because of this ridiculous dress. If there weren’t so many damn buttons, I would tell him to tear it off to see the lingerie my mother handpicked. It’s stunning, and much easier to discard. I’d be able to feel the warmth of his hands.
I arch my back, trying to feel him closer. I’m frustrated by the fabric separating us, by the whole charade of this wedding in general. If my father hadn’t insisted I had to marry Niko right now, I wouldn’t be cheating on him in a cold bathroom with a man who equally scares me and excites me.
Ivan is strong and handsome. He’s everything I could want in a partner, though I’ve never dared let myself dream of what I want. Marriage was never supposed to be a means for me to fall in love and spend my life with a man of my choosing. It was always going to be another move in Papa’s endless chess game. As soon as he knew he was having a daughter, he started looking for the perfect groom for me.
Niko is obviously not that, but can this man be? The man who is so mercilessly attacking my mouth with his tongue and making me lose my senses? Is there more to marriage than great physical chemistry? If not, maybe I should take up Ivan on his offer to run away with him. Every cell in my body itches for me to. It’s insane and irrational, but I want to know him more.
If this is the way he can make me feel with just a kiss, I can’t imagine how much I can lose myself to him. I’m not completely ignorant. I’ve read romance books, and I know the right man can turn a woman inside out and make her forget her own name. Even now, I barely know who I am.
My plan of walking away from this experience and going through this marriage quickly slips through my fingers. Am I crazy? How could I possibly walk away from this man who’s offering himself to me so willingly? I shouldn’t have to deny myself of him. I should have the option to choose him.