Total pages in book: 42
Estimated words: 38168 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 191(@200wpm)___ 153(@250wpm)___ 127(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 38168 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 191(@200wpm)___ 153(@250wpm)___ 127(@300wpm)
It was all in there, every last detail. I flipped through the pages back to the beginning, when things were going to plan. There were so many great memories, but when I look back now, things seem to have started falling apart ever since the divorce.
According to my scribblings, while we were deep in the affair fog, things were spectacular, but once she served him the divorce papers, it’s like things took a turn for the worst and only grew worse with time.
Justin just seemed to lose all interest, especially after everything was finalized. I thought he’d be happy then, happy that we could be together without having to hide, but instead, he started getting hung up on his kids as if he missed being with them.
He didn’t miss them those nights he spent with me before going home to her and their brats. I’m sure the kids were in bed by the time he got home because I made a point of keeping him out late, just so he couldn’t bond with them and get any ideas or feel any guilt about throwing them to the side.
I made sure he knew that I was more than ready to give him kids, kids that would never leave him, that I would never take away from him. I thought that would comfort him, but he only seemed to want the three bastards he already had with her.
Then, sex between us became almost nonexistent to the point where I was starting to panic. Sex was my only hold on him for now, so how else was I supposed to control him if he wasn’t fucking me? There was never any real intimacy between us anyway, just hardcore physical lust, which I was fine with because I was sure the rest would come with time once she was completely out of the picture.
But then he started mentioning her in a flattering light more and more and getting increasingly annoyed with me when I said something derogatory about her. I didn’t even see it then; I thought it was just the guilt talking, something I had been warned about in my favorite forum.
So, I was patient, not realizing that my patience just afforded her time to get her hooks back into him again. Now he was with her, in her house, in her bed after taking the vacation that should’ve been mine.
I flung the journal across the room where it smashed into the wall. At least it got my parents to shut up for a few seconds. Their constant bickering reminded me of everything I hated about my childhood. I wanted to yell at them to shut the fuck up, but I needed a roof over my head.
I curled into a ball, feeling lost and alone. I haven’t felt sorry for myself since I became an adult and made my own way in life. Now, here I was, twenty-seven years old, just three years away from thirty, and the last three years of my life had been wasted.
I’d given him the best years of my life, from twenty-four to twenty-seven. Those are the years most women are settling down. When I look at my old schoolmates’ socials, they’ve all moved on and are living happy lives that look pretty much like Justin and Callie’s once did.
And me, what do I have to show for it? Nothing, not even a job. Unless I move away, my career is pretty much over, but if I move away, how will I ever see Justin again? I can’t do that; I have to at least try one last time to get him back, even if it takes forever.
I brushed away the silent tears that fell as I opened my phone and went to her social media page. It was the closest I’ve been able to get to Justin in weeks. How had it come to this? It wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t been foolish enough to fall in love with him. I would’ve taken the loss and moved on somehow.
But how was I supposed to do that now that he owned my heart? How was I supposed to live without him? A little voice in my head whispered that this was exactly what I had done to Callie, but I shushed it and closed off that line of thought. Why should I care about her?
CHAPTER 17
My tummy was starting to show, and I had more cravings and demands than in all my other pregnancies combined. Justin was on call twenty-four-seven, but I was sure to keep it outside of working hours. If he noticed how convenient that was, he never mentioned it; he was just happy to be let back in.
I still made him leave most nights, but he was staying over more and more these days. When I no longer had to hide my morning sickness, he was very hands-on, to the point I had to lock him out of the bathroom so I could throw up in peace. I don’t recall him being this attentive during my other three pregnancies.