Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 91925 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 306(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91925 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 306(@300wpm)
I stare down at my plate. My parents have shown my decisions so much grace. When I joined the academy, they were supportive. My dad was proud when I got my promotion.
All of this shows how much seeing me in the hospital spooked them. I wonder if this is how Rem feels? I’m good at my job, but I don’t want to keep hurting the people I love.
That bullet went a long way in showing me I’m not invincible. I flash back to bleeding out and thinking I wasn’t going to make it.
My family would have been devastated. I would have proven Rem right. I’m not safe.
Losing my appetite, I push the plate of pasta away and sit back in my seat. “I don’t know what’s next for me. I’m not ignoring your concerns for me, but I still don’t have answers for myself. Can you allow me to figure this out?”
“Of course, son. Your mother and I are just worried about you. If you need to talk, my door is always open. I’m here for you no matter when you need me,” my dad says.
“Thanks, Dad.”
I stand and kiss the top of my mother’s head and give her shoulder a gentle squeeze. She looks up at me with unshed tears. I sigh, knowing I need to make some decisions about my life soon.
“I have to go. I’ll call you later. Stop worrying about me. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon,” I say before I turn to head out.
CHAPTER 4
It’s Over
Knight
“Listen, you’re one of the best that’s come through these doors, but … it may be time, kid. This may have been your last rodeo,” my commander says.
I shift in my seat. I don’t know what to say or how to respond. I knew this was coming.
My visit with my parents’ sort of foreshadowed this. My heart grows heavy with everything that’s hitting me seemingly all at once.
I was undercover for a year. This time was different. My head isn’t the same.
I’m lucky to be back here with my life this time. These last four months of recovery and isolation have only added to the mess that’s my head.
The bullet wound in my back tingles. A reminder that I almost lost my life. It’s the reason my parents have been spoiling and smothering me. Mom and dad never understood why I decided to go into law enforcement—even with their initial support.
My family is loaded, but I wanted to make a difference in the world. I could never see myself as a rich brat living off my trust fund. Being a cop is something I’m good at.
“So what now?”
“You take a leave and after we give you a desk job,” he says.
I snort. “You know that’s not for me. I belong out there.”
“Not anymore, Moran. Even with your shit together physically, you’re not faring well with psych. Then there are questions about this case coming from over my head.
“This recommendation is for a mental health leave. You were under for a year. This one took a toll.
“You’re in some serious fucking denial. Take the time. Five months. In five months, we’ll reevaluate,” he says with a tight frown.
“In five months, if you want to put me behind a desk, I’m gone.”
He sighs. Sitting back in his chair, he folds his arms over his chest. “I already know this. As good as you are at your job. You never belonged here in the first place. Why not join your brother’s security team? Make some of that cushy money?”
I frown, hating hearing spoken out loud from him the way I know everyone around here feels about me. Of all people, the commander knows how serious I take my job. I’ve earned my respect.
“No offense, but fuck you.”
He chuckles. “I’ll miss your honesty.”
“You say that like I’m already gone,” I grumble.
Captain Ross looks into my eyes. His features turn serious. I know this look too well. He’s about to give it to me straight, no bullshit.
“I saw it in your eyes in that hospital. Something spooked you, kid. Something mattered to you more than this job.
“The moment that happened, you were gone. Playtime is over. It’s time you go live that pretty life that’s been waiting for you.
“Make no mistakes. I think you’re a damn good cop. You loved this shit.” He takes a pause and narrows his eyes at me. “But loving this shit and living it are two different things.”
Loved.
He says it in the past tense. I take in his words and think them over. After getting shot and coming so close to death, I did have someone on my mind as I sat there in that hospital bed.
Her face pops into my head. I was honest with myself as I thanked God to still be breathing. When I opened my eyes, I wanted to see her.