Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 87863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 439(@200wpm)___ 351(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 439(@200wpm)___ 351(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
I knew I’d wake up alone. But it still sucked.
I had to stop thinking about him. I was torturing myself. I poured a cup of coffee and stared into space as memories of last night replayed in my head. I lost track of how many times we’d had sex. Charlie on top of me, underneath me, on his knees with his ass in the air, begging me for more. I was pretty sure he blew me this morning before he left too. I woke up with a sore dick and dried cum on my chest, feeling thoroughly debauched. I’d glanced at the indentation in the pillow next to mine and wished he was there. Truthfully, I’d have done the same thing. What was the point in sticking around for an awkward morning-after chat?
So yeah, I should have been grateful he was gone. I had plenty of other things to worry about besides Charlie. Big things. Things I wanted to claim complete emotional immunity from, but I couldn’t. I hated my lack of apathy and my inability to remain cold and passive. Caring sucked.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t care about my old man or anyone who considered their contribution to anyone’s DNA a license to torment. He could rot in hell as far as I was concerned. I’d pay my respects when I joined him there. What got me every time was cleaning up the aftermath. The messy feelings bullshit. I wasn’t good at it. I never knew what to say or how to offer comfort. But I should have at least tried. I was a total asshole for not calling Karly last night. Then again, she knew I was a bull in a china shop when it came to talking about feelings. But I didn’t want or need emotional solace. I’d developed my own system for drowning out the noise. I didn’t need a bunch of meaningless rhetoric or drugs.…I had music. And Zero.
The band gave me a reason to wake up without numbing myself first. It gave me a purpose and a creative outlet with a group of guys who already felt like more of a cohesive family unit than my flesh and blood one ever did. The Baldwins were a group of damaged individuals who’d shared a name and address years ago. Zero was the real thing. In less than a year, we’d bonded and grown as musicians and as a makeshift family of sorts. I felt closer to Justin, Johnny, and Tegan than I did to guys I’d known since junior high school who still hung out at the skate park getting high before work.
I counted Charlie as an integral member of my newfound family. He was Zero’s rock. A very colorful, unexpectedly strong presence who’d provided us with a solid foundation and wings to fly. Charlie made Zero possible. I valued my place in the band, and I respected him far too much to jeopardize our goals, collectively or individually. But I still wanted him.
One life-altering issue at a time, I chided myself. I reached for my cell before a fresh round of panic set in, then attached my earbuds and grabbed my mug before heading for the balcony and pressing Call.
“Hey, Karly,” I answered.
“Fu-fudge, I was getting worried about you. I left at least ten messages, Ky,” she scolded before softening her tone. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. How long have you known, and do you think it’s true?”
“A week and I’m not sure.” Karly sighed, but she didn’t push back. She knew our dad was a chronic liar as well as an asshole. He might be sick. He might even have cancer, but I wouldn’t put it past him to lie about his prognosis. “Mona wanted to make it sound like she tried to tell us together, but the timing didn’t work out. I told her you wouldn’t care, but I went along with it ’cause family is exhausting and it felt easier to agree. Unless…did you want me there when she told you about him?”
I leaned on the balcony railing and watched a couple of surfers haul their boards into their trucks. “No. It’s cool.”
“You know, I called Mona this morning when I didn’t hear from you.”
“Why? To make sure I didn’t flake?” I scoffed.
“Something like that,” she replied. “She said she met your boyfriend. A delightful young man with gorgeous curls named Charlie. What’s going on, Ky?”
I smiled at her motherly tone. “Nothing. Why?”
“Do not shut me out. Who did she meet, and what are you up to?”
“I’m not up to anything, Sis. Mona met Zero’s manager.”
“The guy I met in front of the ice cream shop?”
“Yeah. We’d just come from a dinner with a label that didn’t go well. He needed the company and I needed a ride.” I slipped my phone into the front pocket of my gray sweat pants and cradled my mug with both hands, silently congratulating myself for making my earth-shaking evening seem so…routine.