Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 116031 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 580(@200wpm)___ 464(@250wpm)___ 387(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116031 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 580(@200wpm)___ 464(@250wpm)___ 387(@300wpm)
Although I try to keep my eyes ahead, I check on her several times, catching her staring at my hand and shaking her head. She looks out the window but then turns to face me, and asks, “Why do you want to hold my hand?”
“Because I’m not here for a vacation. I’m here to spend time with you.” I grip the steering wheel and roll my hand over it and back down again. I’m sweating, so she’ll know I was nervous if she holds it now. I don’t do vulnerable well, but I’m doing it for her. “I wanted to get to know you in high school. I wanted to keep in touch. I wanted to fuck you the first time I saw you again. And the second. The third and fourth. I’m an asshole because I still do. This time, though, I want to know you as well. I want to learn about you—”
“That’s all about you, Shane.”
Hearing her disappointment has my heart thumping in my chest, and everything tells me to stop the pain and pull my hand back to the steering wheel. I fight the retreat, pushing forth and leaving it lying between us. I might be an idiot, but I’m willing to take the chance to find out. “I’ve thought so much about us and what really went wrong.”
Resting her elbow on the window, she sighs and tilts her head onto her hand. “What went wrong in your eyes?”
“We didn’t build a foundation. We weren’t friends.”
“We were attraction,” she says as if she knew it all along.
“I want to hold your hand because it’s the familiar, the only olive branch I have to give while driving. I just thought if we touched, we had that connection, that we could build from there this time.”
Her chest rises and falls with each breath she takes. Her lips are still parted as if she needs the air in her lungs quicker.
“I’m trying for you, babe.” The name fell from my tongue before I could stop it, but I won’t take it back.
I’ll give it a few more seconds. One. Two. Three. Four—she slips her hand into mine and pulls the bond to her lap as if she’s the guardian of our connection. Without looking at me or our hands, she raises her chin. “You are trying.” She takes a deep breath as if she can finally breathe freely again. Looking at me, she says, “And I don’t think you make the effort for anyone.”
She’d be right, but that’s also why I’ve never been in a real relationship. Cat feels right; she’s something steady that I can rely on. I can trust her. Maybe not with my Ferrari, but with my life and that ramshackled organ beating in my chest. So yeah, I’ll make the effort for her. She’s worth it.
The particles of anger exposed in the sunlight streaming through the windshield dissipate from the air.
“Anything interesting on the agenda?”
“Yoga on a paddleboard. Will you be joining me for that?” She pulls the paper back out and continues, “Very adventurous, by the way.” Every time her fingers squeeze my hand a little tighter, hope renews, motivating me more than ever. “You surf, so I suspect you have good balance.”
“It’s great.”
She laughs, or maybe it was a scoff. I definitely catch an eye roll, though. “I had no doubt. I look forward to you showing off your skills in the morning.” Tapping the paper, she adds, “At eight thirty a.m.” She cocks her head to the side, pursing her lips. “Have you ever seen that hour before?”
It feels good to laugh with her. “Glad your humor is still intact.” Chuckling, I reply, “Early mornings aren’t typically my thing anymore, but for a good set of waves, I’ll show up before the sun rises.” I tip my head and glance over at her. “As for yoga, I’ll stick to paddleboarding while you enjoy doing your routine.”
“Disappointing, Faris. And here I thought you were trying to impress me.”
I balk, leaning back in my seat, still holding her hand like the lifeline she is for me. “There would be nothing impressive about me doing yoga. Trust me on that.”
“I think that’s the first time you’ve ever admitted you can’t do something.”
Her pretty smile tightens my chest and instantly elicits mine to the surface. Though my lips morph into a smirk. “I’m well aware of my strengths and weaknesses and stick to what I do best.”
“According to you, there’s not much that doesn’t make the best list,” she teases, pulling our joined hands to her chest. I’m not sure she notices, but I do. It’s fucking amazing to be held like we’ve moved beyond the bad of the past and are firmly seated in the good of the future. I can even feel her heart beating beneath the surface.