Total pages in book: 55
Estimated words: 51530 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 258(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 172(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51530 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 258(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 172(@300wpm)
I wish he knew how much I’d love to be there for dinner tonight. And the night after that. But I shake my head. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”
He laughs, but I can tell that part of him is serious when he asks me. “Why? You have a date or something?”
I shrug as if I’m feeling defeated, and maybe I am a little bit. “What does it matter, Ford? I said this couldn’t be serious. I said that nothing could come of it. I don’t know what my future holds…”
Ford
I look at her with my heart in my throat. “And I said I wasn’t letting you go.”
She shrugs in indifference, like she doesn’t care that she’s breaking my heart right now. “You don’t get to choose, Ford. It’s my decision what happens. I told you that I didn’t want this… that there’s things I want… that I need to do. We should never—”
I cut her off. We’re standing by where she parked, and I set all the bags on the ground before I box her in against the side of her car. “We should never have what? Made love? Is that what you think?”
She looks so sad for just a minute and then just like that, her expression is blank. She lifts her chin at me. “No, we shouldn’t have. You want more than I’m ready to give.”
“Bullshit. You’re scared, Lily. You’re scared of what you’re feeling for me and Ollie. I saw you back there. You love that little boy.”
She nods, and her heart is in her eyes. “I do. You’re right, I do love Ollie, but I shouldn’t. I should have protected him because I’m not a good bet, Ford. I told you in the beginning I didn’t want this.”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to catch my breath and keep my cool. I drop my hands from the car and take a step back. I visibly shudder, feeling defeated, and I pace back in forth in front of her. “I don’t get it. I just don’t get it.”
She stands rigidly, her arms crossed over her body. “You don’t get what, Ford? What don’t you get?”
I stop in front of her, overcome with emotion. “What is it about me that makes people want to walk away from me? Everyone I loved or hell, thought I loved has walked away from me. My mom, my ex-wife. What makes it so damn easy to walk away from me?”
My gaze clouds with tears, and I walk away. I only get a few steps when Lily calls my name. I turn, not even trying to hide the anguish on my face. “You deserve happiness, Lilian. Even if you don’t choose me and Ollie, you deserve to be happy and go after what you want. I don’t want to hold you back. I want to give you everything you want. But it’s up to you now. I can’t force you to choose me. To choose us. But hear this—no one will love you like I do, Lilian. If me letting you go makes you happy, I’ll do it. Even if it kills me. I just want you to be happy.”
I turn back around and walk toward my car. I get in and barely get it started before I’m backing out of the parking spot and pulling out onto the road. I wipe at the damn tear in my eye. For a man that never shows emotion, I sure let it go. But I knew it would happen. If anyone can bring this kind of emotion out of me, it would be Lily.
I drive across town. I pass the office and instead go home. I’ve put in a full day, and I need a breather before I have to turn around and go pick up Ollie when school ends.
Fuck, a drink would be nice right now to help dull the pain, but I don’t have that option. No, I’m going to have to deal with this sober.
Lilian
I sat in the school parking lot and bawled my eyes out. I tried to control it, but I couldn't. When I was finally able to pull myself together enough to drive home, I went straight to bed. I did finally text my sister back. “I can’t make it tonight. I have a work thing but I’ll be by this weekend.”
After that, I turned my phone off and cried some more.
On Saturday, I got dressed and was going to go talk to Philip and Carrie, but just thinking about Ford and Ollie had me crying all over again. I know when I eventually make it to my sister’s house, I need to be supportive, and I need one more day to bury myself in my own misery before I can do that.
By Saturday afternoon, I had put on my sweatpants and a T-shirt. I went through the pictures I took and edited them before I uploaded them to the store in Jasper that does one hour processing.