Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 81040 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 405(@200wpm)___ 324(@250wpm)___ 270(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81040 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 405(@200wpm)___ 324(@250wpm)___ 270(@300wpm)
Trinity Bennett wasn’t broken. She was hurt in ways that went deep. Her need to be loved, to feel wanted, and for affection tugged at my heart. For a moment, I thought I could save her, and in doing so, it would make my life okay. I realized soon though that she wasn’t weak. Not like me. She didn’t pretend. She accepted her life and didn’t try to be someone she wasn’t.
As I’m sure you’ll hear, if you haven’t by now, I proposed to her, and she said yes. I knew she wasn’t in love with me, but like me, she wanted something she couldn’t have so badly—to be wanted and accepted. I thought for a moment that I could give us that. But the more she pressed to get closer to me, the more I put up a wall. Hurting her was the last thing I wanted to do, and the thought of leaving her alone again was the one thing that made me question if I should go through with this. But again, I was selfish.
I know you can find her. Do it for me. I shouldn’t get to ask you anything, and I know that, but please watch over her. She’s got darkness that is even more powerful than mine. She needs what I couldn’t give her. She needs to be cherished. She needs a safe place where she belongs. She needs a man to love her. That man wasn’t me, and I’m not asking you to be that man. I know you’re not cut out for that. She just needs protecting, and you can protect her better than anyone I know.
I’m sorry for a lot of things. Not coming around to see you more. Not telling you the truth, for leaving without saying goodbye. But in this life, I had the best brother a guy could ask for. I was always proud of how tough you were. How you chose who you wanted to be and didn’t ask anyone’s opinion. Just please try to understand.
This is all I know to do. This is my freedom.
I love you.
Live this life for both of us.
Hayes
“Oh God,” I whispered.
Disbelief gripped me. The words I had just read were written in Hayes’s handwriting. It was so familiar to me that I had even heard his voice in my head as I read it. I could feel his personality within the words. But so much confused me.
Where had this letter come from? Why had everyone been told his death was a brain aneurysm? How had I not realized this? I’d been close to Hayes. I should have seen it. Should have known he was struggling. He had needed someone, and I could have helped him.
Huck stood with his eyes closed as he hung his head. “I wasn’t around. I didn’t check on him enough. I didn’t make time to get close to him. If I’d just put aside my disdain for our mother’s parents and taken time for my brother, I would have seen it. I could have been there. I could have stopped him.”
The agony in Huck’s voice gripped me. He was blaming himself.
“But I did see him every day. For six months, we were together, and I missed it. He was hurting, and I … I was so consumed with my mistakes, the shadows from my past, that I didn’t see he needed someone,” I said to him, standing up. “If you are blaming yourself, stop. I was there, Huck, and I let him down. Not you.”
He shook his head as he lifted his eyes to meet mine. “He was my baby brother. When our parents died, I swore I would protect him. I went to live with those people because he needed me. It was my job, my responsibility, and I failed.”
Taking a step toward him, I reached out my hand and placed it on his arm. “Did you read the words in this letter? He wasn’t blaming you. This is why he wrote it. So you would know why. Not so you could put this on yourself.”
Huck ran a hand over his head and sighed heavily. “It arrived in my post office box yesterday. I don’t know who sent it. Whoever he had left it with was supposed to have sent it at his death. They had known he was going to do this. I have to know who knew. The minister and his wife must not be above lies. I guess suicide is a worse evil than lying about the cause of your grandson’s death. That sickens me. They were fucking embarrassed and lied about it.”
I wasn’t going to make excuses for them. He was right. They preached against sin when they had so many in their closet.
I wrapped my arms around him and held him. I couldn’t make his pain go away, but I could comfort him. I had only known Hayes for six months. He was Huck’s brother. The grief was going to stay with him for a long time. I pressed my face to his chest, wishing I had the right words for both of us.