Total pages in book: 39
Estimated words: 37498 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 187(@200wpm)___ 150(@250wpm)___ 125(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 37498 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 187(@200wpm)___ 150(@250wpm)___ 125(@300wpm)
“Okay, folks…” Jane announced. “It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. After hundreds of astoundingly horrible—but oh so good—dump stories were submitted, we were able to narrow it down to three. Are you ready, Sarah?”
I pretended to be more excited than I was. “I’m super stoked, yeah. I can’t wait to see which one the listeners chose. I have to say, they all have my own dump story beat.”
“Okay, without further ado, let’s get to it. The second runner-up submission as chosen by our listeners is—drumroll, please!” The sound tech played a rolling drum sound effect as Jane said, “Kate from Irvine! Kate wrote in: ‘You could say I was indirectly dumped. My friend was on Tinder and matched with my boyfriend at the time. Not only was he on the dating app, actively cheating on me, but he’d used a photo of the two of us as his profile picture and cut most of me out of it.’”
I cringed and spoke into the mic. “Kate, you are so much better off without him.”
Jane continued, “Kate, while you were not the winning submission, we will be sending you a consolation package that will include a Fun with Dick and Jane T-shirt and matching beer koozie.”
“Oooh, I want a beer koozie!” I joked.
“We’ll hook you up, too, Sarah.” Jane laughed. “Okay, now to our next finalist. The dump story our listeners chose as the first runner-up was submitted by Leela from Riverside, who wrote: ‘My father unexpectedly passed away last year. After the burial, my boyfriend texted me that my dad’s death had taught him that life was short. He no longer felt it would be fair to string me along when he wasn’t in love with me. So not only did I lose my dad, I also lost my boyfriend in the same week. Oh, and my dad had left my ex an expensive watch in his will, thinking he would be my husband sometime soon, and the idiot demanded we actually give it to him.’”
“Oh, Leela. What a jerk,” I said into the mic.
“Leela, while you totally deserve a trip to Cabo after dealing with that insensitive loser, again, you are our first runner-up. But the good news is, our producers will be sending you a Fun with Dick and Jane self-care package that includes wine, chocolate, and the best in beauty care, thanks to our sponsors. Thank you so much for participating, Leela!”
I spoke into the mic. “Enjoy, Leela!”
“And now for the moment we’ve all been waiting for.” Jane paused. “The winner of the 2022 Christmas in Cabo contest. It was a tough one. But this person’s dump story seemed to resonate with our listeners the most. Kelly from Burbank. Kelly wrote in with a story that made our blood boil. Kelly writes: ‘A few years ago I was dating someone I also worked with, who gave me the impression that they were trustworthy. I told this person about a concept for a unique product I’d come up with. I shouldn’t have. Because, not soon after, I was suddenly dumped, and the company we both worked for introduced plans for a new product. It was exactly what I’d shared with the snake who dumped me, down to every last detail. The company went on to make millions off this device, and I got no credit for it, because I’d never patented anything. My ex, however, was promoted.’” Jane paused. “So, Kelly…”
The sound tech introduced some celebratory music.
“Our hearts break for the betrayal you endured. We believe you deserve to take your mind off things for a while. You, my friend, have won the trip to Cabo San Lucas with my girl, Sarah! A limo will pick you up and take you to the airport where you and Sarah will fly via private jet to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, the morning after Christmas. Should you decide for any reason not to accept this grand prize, the trip will go to our first runner-up, Leela from Riverside. Our producers have all of your information and will contact you via the email you provided to make the arrangements. A huge congratulations, Kelly! You deserve it after all that!”
“Yay, Kelly!” I clapped, but inside I was beginning to wonder what the hell I’d gotten myself into.
***
I ended up skipping Christmas with my family this year. With the Cabo trip coming up, it would’ve been too much to fly to New York and then get back here the next day to catch my plane. And admittedly, there was another reason I was avoiding it: I would’ve had to endure their questions about my current dating life, and worse, rehash the story of what happened with my ex to those who had no idea we’d even broken up.
The morning after Christmas, I couldn’t have been more ambivalent about this whole vacation-with-a-stranger thing. My plan was to enjoy this time alone and not worry about whether this Kelly chick and I got along. We didn’t even have to see each other, I suppose. It was nice that half of the trip wouldn’t be going to waste. But vacationing with a stranger is awkward—plain and simple. I didn’t need us to be Thelma and Louise. I just needed to be able to tolerate her in the event she chose to hang out with me and not do her own thing.