Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 80399 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 402(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 268(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80399 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 402(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 268(@300wpm)
‘I don’t know what to tell you. Fin’s married, and she’s a mate.’
‘But you wish she wasn’t. Come on, Mac. It was obvious. It might work out better now that I know.’
‘Ella, I’ve no idea what you’re talkin’ about, hen.’
My shoulders lift as I suck in a breath, falling as I expel all the things I have to say.
‘You’re such a catch, Mac Adams. You’ll make a girl very happy one day.’
‘I don’t like the way this is going,’ he says, eyebrows drawing in. ‘Because if you’re about to say you’re leavin’—’
‘I am going to leave but not yet. Not for a few months. September, actually.’
‘What? But why?’
‘I’m going back to university. I love kids, but I can’t be an au pair all my life, so I thought I’d be a teacher. Preschool or early years.’
‘Well, that’s good for you, but what about Louis? What about me?’
‘I’m not going to leave you in the lurch. I’ll be here for the summer holidays, and I’ll help you find someone reliable. When Louis starts school in September, you won’t need someone full time. Or live-in.’ The thought of another woman living here in my place makes my stomach suddenly twist.
‘Whoever you find, it won’t be you, though, will it?’ His words sound sandpapery and harsh. ‘If this is about Fin, I promise you, there’s nothing going on between us. In fact—’
‘Going to uni is my decision. I can’t keep hiding from the future. I have to grow up.’ My words seem to hit him somehow, his body reacting with a jerk. ‘Mac, I’m seriously attracted to you.’ I duck my head, not quite able to be brave with my admission without some level of embarrassment. ‘Seeing how you reacted to Fin. Well, it sort of made me come to some decisions. And I want you to brace yourself for what I’m about to say.’ He stares back blankly. And why wouldn’t he? He has no idea what a freak I am.
‘I have a sort of proposition for you.’ I force my head up, though I can’t make my gaze hold his or loosen my fingers from twisting the hem of my shirt.
‘Aye?’
‘And it’s sort of embarrassing.’ I glance at my glass, the light in the room transforming the amber liquid into something quite beautiful. ‘I wasn’t completely honest with you in the coffee shop.’
‘Is this about your ex?’
‘Sort of. And not. See, I did date him for four years. It’s no wonder I have really bad self-esteem, really.’ Who doesn’t know the person they’re involved with isn’t interested in them. Not physically. Not emotionally, really, because he strung me along without a thought for what it would do to me.
I keep my gaze on my glass as I try to control the impulse to cry. ‘And then I ran away to Paris to live. It was my version of joining the circus, I suppose. See, I was at uni, but I hated my course. I tried to stick it out for the sake of expectations, but it was just so soul destroyingly hard. Then, in my final year, I found out the man I thought would be my future husband was actually gay. Which was shocking enough, but we were saving our virginity like special jewels for our wedding night, because he was gay. When, actually, he was a great big butt slut. And not a virgin at all, apparently,’ I add, twisting my shirt a little more.
‘Oh, you can laugh,’ I tell him, giggling quite suddenly myself, ‘because it’s true. He was blowing every Tom and Dick, or every Tom’s dick, while I studied to become an accountant. Come to think of it, he’s probably still a vaginal virgin. Which I suppose makes two of us.’
‘At the risk of sounding trite, some things happen for a reason, hen. You couldn’t have married him, and you’re far too lovely to be an accountant.’
‘Jax is an accountant, too. That’s how she and Dad met. She worked for him.’
‘A workplace romance,’ he adds, smiling.
‘She’s attractive, isn’t she?’
He shrugs, impassive. ‘If you like that sort of thing.’
I didn’t really think he’d been one of Jacqueline’s bits on the side. And now I know.
‘So you ran away to the circus?’
‘Yes. To get away from a course I hated. To turn over a new leaf. To get rid of my virginity.’
‘And this was . . . last year?’
‘Yep. I came back a whole new me. Except for one bit. And that’s where you come in.’
‘Me?’ His brows retract as he looks at me carefully.
‘Yes. We’ve sort of come full circle,’ I mutter. ‘Look, I want you and you want me, on some level, right?’
‘Aye, I want you on lots of levels and in lots of ways, but—’
‘But you also want Fin.’
‘No, the woman is married,’ he answers adamantly.