Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 70320 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 352(@200wpm)___ 281(@250wpm)___ 234(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 70320 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 352(@200wpm)___ 281(@250wpm)___ 234(@300wpm)
It’s all of him and it’s what he’s done for me.
I don’t even know if he realizes.
But he woke me up to the world.
Even before the Russians and all that trauma, I was stumbling through my life, staggering around like a drunk blindly lurching from one thing to the next without any sense of what might make me happy. It was like whatever I heard was good enough—the jobs, the clothes, the comfort. Starbucks, a good dinner out, laughter with friends—that was enough. I never wanted more.
I think that’s why I denied myself the money. I knew, deep down, that accepting my trust fund and being just another rich girl would damn me to mediocrity. All that money would ruin me; it would make things much too easy. I knew even then that I was walking on the edge, and I’m not sure I ever would’ve stepped away and into myself, at least until now.
Until Peter.
Those things are good. I crave all those things—god, especially Starbucks, and comfort, and money—but I never knew I could want something more than that. I never knew there was more.
Fighting with Peter. His fists, his grunts, his lips. Pain and the exquisite pleasure that follows. I could go back to my old world and feel a pleasant numbness, a nice, middling comfort, or I can stay with him and feel the full range of life. Pleasure and pain in excess and everything in between. Anger and joy and sorrow and happiness and excitement and lust, so fucking much lust.
He gave all that to me. He brought me back from the brink of the black inky ocean and made me breathe.
“Why do you do this to me, little killer?” he asks and the struggle in his voice nearly breaks me.
I kiss his hand and press it to my cheek again. “Because I need you to understand that I’m not going anywhere. I’ve been thinking about something. Do you remember what you said? When we were fighting?”
“I said a lot of things.” He smiles slightly. “About your terrible form. Your weak punches. Your lovely little—”
“You said you’re proud of me because I get back up. Even when I get punched in the face, I still get back up. Did you mean it?”
“There’s a difference between being punched in the face and shot in the head. One’s very permanent.”
“But did you mean it?”
He lets out a slow, strangled breath, and nods. “Yes. I meant it. I’m so proud of all the progress you’ve made.”
“Then I’m staying. I’m not staying on the ground anymore, Peter. I’m getting back on my feet, holding my chin high, and solving this fucking problem by your side. Do you hear me?”
He shakes his head slowly. “Adrienne, please. If things get bad, I need to know there’s an escape plan for you. I don’t know how I can keep going forward otherwise.”
“Will that really help?”
“Yes, it really will. I need to know that if things get worse, you’ll climb on a plane and leave. I have to know you’ll be safe no matter what happens.”
I stand on my toes and kiss his lips. “I’ll do it. If that’s what you need.”
“Promise me. If Reina ever comes to you and says it’s time to go, you’ll follow her. Can you promise?”
“I swear, if things get worse and Reina says it’s time, I’ll go back to the States. But I don’t want that.”
He lets out a relieved breath and some of his tension eases off. His hand wraps around my waist and his palm presses against the small of my back and he pulls me tighter against him.
“Good girl,” he says and kisses me.
A deep, slow kiss.
The kind of kiss that makes my legs tremble. That makes my lips numb.
The kind of kiss that leads to more.
We stumble into the bedroom. He closes the door and locks it. I feel like we’re in a frenzy, like all the tension and anger and uncertainty spills out of him and into me, and we’re taking it out on each other. He pulls off my clothes, top first, then turns me around and drops to his knees, sliding my jeans off. I give my hips a shimmy and the noise he makes as he kisses up the back of my leg, over my ass, and along my back is like heaven.
I feel his hardness press against my ass as his fist grips my hair and he tilts my chin up, exposing my throat. His other hand wraps around my neck as he kisses me from behind.
“Why do I want to destroy you so badly, little killer?” he whispers as his hand tightens around my neck. I feel him looming behind me, massive and strong, and he could do it if he wanted. Tense himself just enough and rip me in half. “I want to break you while making you come. What is wrong with me?”