Total pages in book: 131
Estimated words: 122609 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 613(@200wpm)___ 490(@250wpm)___ 409(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122609 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 613(@200wpm)___ 490(@250wpm)___ 409(@300wpm)
A lump formed in her throat because she’d felt it, too.
“It… it made me have to face the possibility that I may have been wrong about you.” She fought a smile. “I’ve never seen anyone do what you did today. I knew what you did was authentic, because as you know, I know when you’re lying and when you’re telling the truth. For weeks, I’ve watched you sleep. Eat. Cry. Fight. I know how you write. Move. I know your beautiful face. The feel of your big, soft hair. The curves of your exquisite body. I am well aware of your manipulations and outlandish tactics to get over. I know your strength, and you have a lot of it… it’s sexy. I identify with it. I respect it. I know you’re a good bullshitter for the untrained person, or someone distracted by the physicality of you. I know about Chasity. Your mother. Your father. Your friends. Your boss. I didn’t find out these things because I gave a shit about you. At least not initially. I found out because I know how important it is to know your enemy and anyone you keep around you, whether it be for only a day or two, or years on end.”
“Knowledge is power.”
“Yeah, definitely. Knowledge is truly power, but then I started to get to know other parts of you. I’m getting to know your soul… And it’s good. Mine isn’t. Maybe that’s why I dreamt of you the other day… Maybe I wish I was more like you. I’ve studied you like a book for a big test since the moment I found out your name.”
Her stomach knotted and she was sickened by her rising desire for an appalling man. But he was right. Everything he was saying was true. Would she admit it? Could she admit it? Right here? Right now?
He set his glass down, approached the breakfast bar, and leaned over it to stare into her eyes. His gorgeous gray eyes drilled into her soul.
“I know you from your front cover to your last page, and yet, I would not accept your footnotes and acknowledgements. I refused to see that you were a different shaped petal than the others on the flower. Who could blame me?” He pointed to himself. “Wouldn’t it make sense that you’d do or say anything to survive this? That you’d con your way through?”
“I can’t argue with that. Archer, why do you hate the media so much? What happened?”
He hesitated for a long while, then crossed his arms.
“Most of my life, I have hated the news. The media. I own that hate. It is mine to have. I’m not ready to tell you why. That may or may not change.”
She nodded in understanding.
“It is rare that someone can be indoctrinated in a lifestyle, a career, and not be tainted from the negatives of it, and yet, here you are. You are in fact like me…”
“Like you?”
“Different. I’m not like other men that do what I do, either. I work harder. I work longer. I care about good customer relationships. I love someone in this world—and though I love very few people, I know what love looks like… feels like.” His eyes narrowed. “Love is something you give away with no expectations. No penalties. You don’t supply it because you want to conquer someone or receive something in return. You don’t do it selfishly. You love someone because you want to give that person a piece of yourself… the good parts. The best parts. That’s how I feel about my sister. That’s how you feel about Chasity.” She nodded in agreement. “Love doesn’t come naturally to men, Honey. Please don’t believe anything otherwise. We as men can care, but we’re incapable of loving someone—at least, not in the true meaning of the word. For us, love has stipulations. We want something back. Some attention. Some pussy. Some money. A favor. Someone to cook or clean for us. There’s always a catch. Strings attached. I’ve cut the strings. I’ve removed the stipulations.
“Monsters and demons can love, too. In fact, we know more about love than the common man. That’s because we understand hate. The polar opposite of love. If you understand rain, then you will understand and appreciate the sun… Men make storms. We’re human war zones. We don’t fuckin’ care about anyone but ourselves more times than not. Most of us fear peace and the sunlight. Growth. We have to force ourselves to look up at the sky and accept that we’re not the most important motherfuckers to walk this Earth. Women are. You do this love thing so damn easy. Altruistically.”
Her heart was beating faster and faster. She felt almost as if she were falling under a wicked spell.
“Even my pill poppin’ mother understands how to love, through sobriety and inebriation. I had to learn how to love. My sister taught me. That’s why I can never turn my back on her, baby. That’s why I can never go back to prison because she needs me to always be around. She was there for me; I’m going to be there for her. I wish you wanted to be here now of your own accord, but that would be foolish and stupid thinking. I’m certain your feelings for me have not changed and you can’t yet understand my intention or purpose in sharing this information with you in the first damn place.”