Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 93453 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 312(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93453 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 312(@300wpm)
I walk out of the office, opening the side door to head to the wooden staircase that leads to my studio apartment above the bar. I let myself in, going to the bed and sitting on it. “You can do this,” I tell myself. “You have no choice.” My legs move up and down as I have a one-sided conversation. “Get up and go.” I put my hands on the side of the bed and stand. “I have to do this.”
Twelve hours later, I’m driving past the town sign, the dread rearing up so hard and fast my hands grip the steering wheel. My heart speeds up to an abnormal pace, and I feel like I’ve just completed a marathon. My chest rises and falls as I try to swallow down the bile that is rising. I take a deep inhale and puff out, then breathe through my mouth, the radio playing so softly that my breathing drowns it out.
The darkness is almost too much to bear as I drive down the road where the trees look like they hide the monsters inside them. I should have stopped five hours ago and continued my journey tomorrow, but I thought it would be okay. It’s not. I never, ever drive at night anymore. It’s why I live upstairs from the bar where I work. The memories are just too vivid, the panic attack that rails from it too strong to take. The last time this happened, I pulled over and slept on the side of the road. From that day on, I drove when it was daylight and only daylight. Sometimes when it started to get dark, it was okay, but as soon as nighttime would hit, I was not driving.
I’m so in my thoughts that I don’t even notice I’m driving down the road I never wanted to be on again. I’m so in my thoughts I don’t notice the tears running down my face. I’m so in my thoughts that I don’t even notice I’m at the accident site.
I stop the car on the side of the road where my life changed. Putting the car in park, I look across the road at the tree that stopped the truck from going even farther into the forest. My hand shakes as I open the door and put one foot out and then the other. I take three steps onto the road and look around. The memories of that night come rushing back, and I see where the other vehicles were. I feel like the road is spinning under my feet, or maybe I’m moving my feet in a circle, as if I’m watching it replay again in my head.
My feet move toward the tree, the night silent, without even a cricket making noise. It’s like the world stands still as I step from the road to the grass, getting close enough to see the white wooden cross planted right next to the tree. A green wreath hangs around it. I put my hand to my mouth, thinking that I’m going to be sick. I close my eyes at the same time I hear the sound of twigs breaking. My head flies to the side, and I see him come out of the darkness. “What the fuck are you doing here?” The venom in his voice cuts my breath off again. I take a second to look at him. Eight years changed us all, but Charlie looks almost the same, except for his haunted eyes. His frame is bigger, as if he’s been working out, and the scruff on his face makes him look more rugged.
There is no mistake; Charlie Barnes holds me accountable for what happened that night. Little does he know, he’s not the only one. “Hello, Charlie.”
Chapter Five
Charlie
I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. It wouldn’t be the first time that happened, especially when I’m here. Sitting with my back against the tree, with my hand on the cold, wet ground as if I could touch her. The same spot where they found her, the spot where she lost her life. The same spot I come and sit at a couple of times a week. It used to be every day, but now I alternate from being here or being at her grave site. I watched from the darkness as she got out of her car and onto the road where our lives changed, her feet moving her around in a circle, probably reliving the horror that was that night. I slid up the bark of the tree in the darkness as she walked toward me. Toward the scene where my life turned into the hellhole it is now.
My eyes narrowed to slits as I saw her take steps toward where the white wooden cross I planted sits, along with the wreath that I replace monthly. I stand here in the darkness, my body tense and burning like it’s on fire with rage as I look at the woman who could have stopped all of this. The woman who with one word could have changed the lives of five other people. Selfish, that is what she is, and I hate every single bone in her body.