Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
“And what did you say?”
“I told her I didn’t believe you because you told a lot of tall tales at such a young age for some reason, but that still didn’t make it right, in retrospect. That’s why I’m apologizin’. I should have looked into it, instead of assuming the worst from you.”
“First of all, look into what? We both know all you would’ve done is ask him if he was doing it. He’d say no, and you’d drop it. Secondly, Mama, kids make up stories, like, ‘I’m an astronaut,’ or, ‘My mama got a BMW and lives in a blue mansion.’ You’d be hard-pressed to find a child who lies about bein’ sexually molested, and can go into fine detail about what happened to them. I’m not sayin’ kids have never lied about things like that, we know it’s happened, but it ain’t common. The shit I told you should have let you know that there wasn’t no way a five- or six-year-old child could make that sort of thing up. I have told you this before. I didn’t know nothin’ about sex. I knew about body parts and kissin’, that’s it. For the longest, I thought kissin’ a girl was actually ‘doing it.’ I told you all the particulars of the molestation. From start to finish. I know you remember what I said to you back then.” She remained quiet, proving his point. “How in the hell would I know about oral sex?”
“I figured maybe another kid said something to you. You know how children can pick up things from their older brothers and sisters, or parents. I thought—”
“Another child would have said, he touched my weewee, or privates, and left it at that. Or maybe even he put something in his mouth. I wasn’t speakin’ that way. You know the terms I used. It was adult language! The proper vocabulary… not slang or kiddie words.”
“But you were smart! You could’ve—”
“I couldn’t even pronounce my brother’s name the year prior, you said so yourself, so how in the hell was I gonna know what fellatio was without someone bringing that word to me directly?! You know what I said, and you understood fully what he did. I’m not going to let you run from this, or water it down. I’m at the stage where I can talk about it without losing my damn mind. Luis performed fellatio on me, Mama! I told you that, at such a young age, and you had the nerve to question the legitimacy.”
“Please don’t do this.”
“Please don’t do what? Tell the fuckin’ truth? He was very doctor-like about it, and matter-of-fact regarding the whole thing. Pretendin’ at first he was giving me an exam. ‘But don’t tell your mama about your checkup!’ he said, after he quickly got dressed. I knew somethin’ wasn’t right. So, I went and told anyway, and once he found out you knew but didn’t care, he laughed in my face, and things got ten times worse. Thanks, Mama. THE THINGS THAT MAN DID TO ME WOULD MAKE YOU WANT TO JUMP OFF A FUCKING BRIDGE!”
“Oh, God!”
“Luis is a fuckin’ pedophile. The man you lay with for years, allowed around your children, to eat from your table… and you know what else? He should have his throat slit! Come on, Mama, say it with me. Luis, lived in your house, and now my head, rent free! I hated myself. I questioned my sexuality as a teenager, and blamed myself for what happened to me. I was in a state of panic and paranoia twenty-four-seven. Did you know I tried to kill myself in prison, the first time I was incarcerated? The guards found me right before I could jump off the chair and hang myself. They thought it was because I didn’t want to do my bid. Naw, it’s because I was seein’ evil as a little boy, and it crawled in my bed every night.”
“LEGEND!”
“You knew it then, you know it now! I just want some acknowledgement here. Some ownership.” And some reparations… “I don’t believe you were totally in the dark about the situation. I think you just chose to turn out the lights.”
“Legend, oh God! Good Lord! I am tellin’ you the God’s honest truth when I say that I never saw him do nothin’ to you, or suspected anything. But as I look back… yes, some things make a lil’ more sense now. Like him encouraging me to work overtime, or him always volunteering to take you places, but want Melanie to stay with my sister, or her friends, things like that. I can’t change the past, son, but I can just tell you that I’m sorry, and mean it.”
He swallowed, stunned she’d even taken on that much. A part of him wondered if she was sincere, or simply talking a good game. No matter how many times they’d butted heads or had words, they’d never been estranged like this. Perhaps she was feeling desperate. He second and third guessed her now on a continuous basis.