Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
“Love, Mama.” She sniffed, took off her glasses, and wiped her tears with her palm. Then, she folded the paper back up and slipped it into her purse.
“You think you really did something there, don’t you?” He forced a smile, while seething inside.
“I poured my heart out to you, Legend,” she responded meekly.
“I don’t need a heart poured out to me, I needed some motherly arms and protection, way back when. You too late. I got it from here.”
“Legend, I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”
“I bet you don’t… Let me ask you somethin’, Mama.” He looked across the street, past her, for a brief moment, then locked gazes with her. “Did you ever question yourself, or even me directly, and think, ‘Why the hell would a little boy, a six or seven year old child be actin’ like this?’ Somethin’ had to be wrong, right? This wasn’t common. You had enough wherewithal to stand here and tell me you wondered why I was so angry in the first grade. You forgot about you telling me a long time ago that I was the easiest baby you ever had, up until I was about six or so. What changed, hmm? Riddle me that.”
“I don’t know what changed.” She shrugged. “Our lives were pretty much the same. Then your dad ran off, and you got much worse. So, I figured that was the final straw for ya.”
“Mmmm, okay. I see.” He grimaced, brought his cigarette to his mouth, and took a deep draw. “Well, let me put another question at your feet. Maybe you can answer this one, since the first question stumped you: Was our lives pretty much the same before or after Luis was tryna tongue kiss me in the mouth?”
Her face turned red and her mouth dropped.
“I…”
“Yeah. I guess you thought you was gone waltz yo’ ass over here, and I was going to let over thirty-five fuckin’ years of bullshit just go. Like I was gonna hug you, kiss yo’ cheek, and move on. I done already tried that with you countless times. YOU MY MAMA! Who in the world wants to hate their own mama?! THAT AIN’T NATURAL! One thing I learned ’bout being in the pen is that time waits for no one. Every time I got locked up, chunks of my life got erased. I was robbed of my years. I used to blame you for that. You were right about one thing though. It was my fault that I was in prison, not yours. I was the one runnin’ around here, sellin’ drugs. Livin’ it up. Flauntin’ my money. I was the one doing all kinds of shit that I knew were wrong, mostly to make cash and feel important.
“I had no right to put that on you, ’cause I was grown, but I can tell you this much: you set up the framework.” She glared at him, tears welling in her eyes. “That’s all I wanted you to acknowledge, Mama.” He shrugged. “We all fuck up. Make mistakes. I never expected you to be perfect. I expected you to love and care for me. I expected you to protect me from the monsters in the closet. That’s it. Of which you did neither.”
He paused for a moment, shaking his head. “I give people chances, but if they keep doing the same ol’ dirty shit to me, it’s over. I see a spade for a spade, a snake for a snake, a rat for a rat, and I move accordingly around that mothafucka. I do believe in karma. And I believe in people gettin’ what they deserve. Good or bad.
“If you fuck over someone, you should have to pay for that. Me included. I deserved to be in prison, ’cause I’d done wrong. I used to say if I don’t sell them the drugs, someone else will, but that’s just an excuse. It’s not fair. People are on these streets dyin’ ’cause of addiction. Addiction more times than not, is because someone is runnin’ from pain, and I’m standing here with their blood on my hands, because I made it worse. It’ll never wash off. Those people I was slangin’ rock to were somebody daddy, mama, brother, sister, son, daughter… I helped destroy families. Just like mine was destroyed! Misery loves company. I hated you for years, for so many reasons.
“I had to work through that. I’m still workin’ through that. I had to understand that you just aren’t equipped to be a mother. And see, that’s why not everybody who got kids should be havin’ ’em. There should be a test or some shit you gotta take first, and if you fail, instant sterilization. You don’t have the right tools for the job! You knew you didn’t, and yet you went on and tried to build a house anyway. The shit came down, Mama. Every brick.