Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
This has nothing to do with sexuality, though. It has to do with a crime that took place, against a kid: ME. My mind and my body were violated. I hate even thinkin’ that, too. It sounds weak. This is why I’ve been avoiding this conversation with him. I didn’t want this. I didn’t ask for this! Why do I feel so bad right now, then? I wish my baby was here. She could take the edge off. This is her forte. She’s an expert. I’m not…
He rubbed his hands together, then began to clap as his emotions grew darker and darker. He could see Axel give him the side eye. He abruptly turned off the radio.
Just say it… SAY IT!
“Check it. My mama’s boyfriend did some shit to me when I was a kid. Some fucked up, nasty shit that he shouldn’t have done, and now, here the fuck we are…”
And so it began. He kept talking and talking, telling more and more, until he could see Axel’s complexion turn almost ghostly white. Axel pulled up to a red light and flung his long hair over one shoulder, shrouding part of his face. Then, instead of taking Legend home, he made a detour to a local park. It was a pretty day. Blue skies. Birds chirping. How ironic. How mocking. How hurtful.
Axel stepped out of the van abruptly, after parking in a less than perfect way. Legend sat there, looking out the window. Not at Axel, but in the opposite direction. He could hear crickets and grasshoppers. See the lightning bugs’ asses glowing as they flew on by. A strange, warm feeling washed over him, followed by a cold reality setting in, right on his chest, and weighing him down. When Axel got back in the van, he was wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Legend couldn’t believe it.
This bastard was cryin’. Well, I’ll be damned.
“Legend, I needed a moment to get my thoughts together. I—”
“Man, you—”
“Please don’t interrupt me. If you do, I will lose my train of thought, and… just don’t interrupt me.” Legend nodded and turned around, facing the front of the van. “First of all, I fuckin’ wish you woulda felt comfortable tellin’ me about this shit when we were kids, man. Hell! I would have accepted knowin’ about it even in high school at least, but I understand why you didn’t talk. I’ve never been in your shoes, never had somebody do something so diabolic to me, so I can’t say what I would or wouldn’t have done. I’m just sayin’ that if I’d known, I coulda… I coulda been there for you. Second of all, it never crossed my mind that that’s what your deal was all of these years. I had no idea.” Axel’s lower lip trembled ever so slightly.
It touched Legend’s heart that his brother was so moved like this. Hurting right alongside him.
“Third, I’m sorry Ms. Paula didn’t do right by you. I know thangs are rough with your mama. I witnessed you two argue all the time when we were in high school, and I remember clearly you having to stay at my house sometimes when she’d kick you out. Regardless, if you’d… if you’d have told me, I woulda told my mama, and you know she would’ve jumped in and tried to do somethin’, Legend.”
His phone vibrated. It was Desiree, telling him she’d meet him at his apartment so that they could go to the gym later on that day, as promised. He slipped his phone into his pocket and listened to Axel, who sounded guilty when he shouldn’t have. This ain’t even your fault or doing, man… but go on ahead…
“I understand that this happened before we met, but my mama woulda got you out of that house. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
“Can I speak now?” He turned to him, his eyebrow raised. “Look, Axel, you were there for me, man.” Legend’s voice was low, barely audible. It was hard to speak, to get the words out. “Don’t make this about you. Don’t make this a problem that you or your mama could’ve solved. You couldn’t have, man. The only person who had the power to stop this from happenin’ didn’t. That’s just it! That’s all.”
He threw up his hands. “She rested comfortably in her inactivity. And my mama was happy there. No cap. She allowed a guy, who was helpin’ to pay some of her bills, to stay. I don’t believe for one second that she didn’t see the strange ways he’d look at me, how much time he was spendin’ with me, and how obsessed he became with me. He was takin’ care of her. He stayed longer than anyone else did. She didn’t want that to stop. To go away. Plus, she loved this demon. I understand… When a woman is in love, she ignores red flags. When a sick, selfish woman is in love, she ignores the red flags at her own children’s expense. Now, I can’t say definitively that she knew what he was up to, but I know deep in my soul that she was aware this mothafucka was weird! Everybody could see that.” Axel nodded in understanding. “He never wanted no grown woman’s pussy—she wasn’t his first-round draft pick.