Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
“Why do you sound so mad?” The woman was goading him on. He did not miss the twinkle in her eye, the way she kept poking the bear.
“I’m not angry or emotional. I’m just passionate about the facts of my life, especially when it comes to what I know to be true, and my personal business. I’m correcting you, so when you hear my voice escalating right now,” he pointed towards the ceiling, “it is not out of being upset, but because something was said about me that’s not true. It’s a lie, inaccurate, so I’m fixin’ the shit. Setting you straight.”
She looked like she wanted to get into it, have a fight. That was fine with him. He was going to handle this one way or another. “Hold up.” Slipping a cigarette out of a pack he had in his pocket, he lit it and took a puff. “Here’s the deal. All of this—”
“How are you going to light up in my house without asking?”
“You already told me that you just stopped smoking cigarettes, and it was easy for you. Don’t act like you’re new to this. Now listen up. As I was saying, I’m about to do you a favor. I’m going to come clean about every damn thing, just so you know how serious I am about getting to know you, and not on some fuckboy shit, or only out to use you for your body. All of this is public information, but it’s still my personal business, regardless. You are looking at a man who spent time in the military. I’m a soldier. Once a soldier, always a soldier. I loved being in the Army, but it just wasn’t meant to be.”
“Why’d you leave the Army?”
“Not getting into that right now, but I’ll tell you another day and time. Movin’ on.” He took another drag of his cigarette and continued, “You’re lookin’ at a man who has been told that I am everything but what I actually am, from almost everyone in my life. I know who I am, Desiree. I know the good parts and the bad parts, and they are all equally important. I never had much growin’ up, baby, but I knew who the hell I was. I’ve been locked up. Multiple times.” He tapped some ashes onto the coaster. “I’m not gonna even hold you wit’ some bullshit and lies.
“Yes, I was incarcerated for drug related charges. I’m not a user. Never smoked, snorted, or shot up crack, cocaine, meth, heroin, fentanyl, none of that shit, a day in my life. I never even took pills, rarely popped an aspirin. I used to smoke weed on the regular, but stopped due to my job, plus, it makes me sleepy, so I needed to cut that out anyway. My productivity would go down. I like to drink though.”
“So, you’re a dope boy?”
“Nope. I was a dope boy. I was damn good at the shit, too. Had a lot of respect behind my name. The Louisville Metro Department of Corrections knows me well. I’ve had so much money, Desiree, that at one point in time, I could have bought practically anything I wanted in the city. I’ve been so broke, that I have looked for spare change in my couch, tryna scrounge around for enough to get a loosey and a can of Coke. So, I’ve been real high on the mountain, baby, and real low in the valley. Most of it self-imposed. I made those choices, so I had to deal with the consequences.
“I’m taking accountability. Something I ran from before. It was always someone else’s fault why shit turned out bad for me.” He briefly closed his eyes, and ran his hands over his face. “As a kid that holds water, but as a grown man, it’s not even close. That’s not satisfactory. I will say this, though… when I decide to stop doing something, to change my behavior, I mean, really choose a new path, I put my all into it. I don’t want to go back to that lifestyle. The money was good, and I liked the fast life, the fast cars, and the fast women, but in the end, it cost me my freedom. It hurt my friendships. My real friendships. It cost me too much time away from doing the things I could’ve been working on. I used it as a crutch. I have to stand up on my own two feet.”
He raised his chin high, smoked, and released the ashes again. “I have absolutely no problem turning a new leaf and doing the right thing, but it has to be my choice, and my choice alone.”
“Are you tryna convince me or yourself of that?”
“I reckon both. But it’s the truth. I can’t be manipulated. Trapped. Conned. Led astray. I’ve seen too much shit in my lifetime that would bring a lot of men to their knees, and I’ve pulled too many ruses on people, to not peep game when it’s in my face. I’m one of the most strong-minded men you’ll ever meet, Desiree. Opinions mean nothin’ to me. When I say I am going to do something, I do it, good or bad. When I set my sights on something, nine times out of ten, I get it. It might not be right away, but I’m like a dog wit’ a bone. Never letting go. I see something in front of me right this motherfuckin’ second that I want.” His eyes hooded as he took a long, hard draw on his cigarette. “And I plan to get her—come low, fiery hell, or flooding high water. Church.”