Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 56257 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 281(@200wpm)___ 225(@250wpm)___ 188(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56257 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 281(@200wpm)___ 225(@250wpm)___ 188(@300wpm)
“Um… can I see?” She sounds like she’s picked this question from a possible pool of hundreds.
“Sure.”
I pull my shirt down a little, then angle my phone. “You got that?”
“Why a thundercloud? Oh, duh, because of the storm, and it was thundering the night…”
“Mom committed suicide.”
“Wait, what?”
“Oh yeah,” I sigh. “Brad finally told me last night.”
“You’ve mentioned having suspicions, but that’s so different from knowing. I’m so sorry.”
I pull up my shirt, sitting on the bed, knees to my chest. “I just wish everything would slow down. When Brad told me, Rust was hiding in the bathroom.”
“What?”
“Yeah. We’d just… done stuff. Not sex, but he wanted to. I did, too, but I had to tell him about the baby.”
“You told him?” Chrissy says. “Did he freak?”
“No,” I reply, an offended note in my voice. “He cheered and spun me around, but that was before he had to hide. Then, after the news, I kind of yelled at him and made him leave.”
“That was probably smart with Brad next door,” she mutters.
“But I don’t want him to go. Ever. He was happy about the baby.”
“So you’re going to raise a family together, are you?”
“You don’t have to say it like it’s impossible.”
Chrissy frowns, then fixes her bangs. “What did you say about a video of your mom?”
“Oh yeah,” I almost laugh. I’ve just unloaded years of tension. I feel lighter, even if I’ve told the wrong person. “You know how she was super religious? Well, she left me a two-hour DVD about being pure, the perfect woman, modest, and all that.”
“If you were going to be that, you’d never speak your mind; speaking your mind is your specialty. Just look at that video!”
I feel myself beaming despite the nerves, despite the sense of doom lingering over everything all the time. “Yeah, okay, fair point.”
“Wait, what else does this video say? Is there anything about women being quiet and reserved?”
“I’m mostly reserved.”
“Yeah, until one of your awesome outbursts. Sorry, hon, but I don’t see it.”
I laugh again like only Chrissy can make me, though the guilt still persists. Mom tries to slither into my mind and sneer at me.
“It’s so confusing,” I say. “I loved Mom so much. She was so perfect when I was a kid. She was like an angel, but in the video, sometimes…”
“You don’t have to feel bad for saying this,” Chrissy adds quickly, as though reading my mind.
“It’s like she’s a different person. She gets mean and erratic. She calls me a slut. Well, she says I am a slut-in-waiting. I could become a slut if I’m not careful. Stuff like that.”
“I’m sorry, Mary. I know she’s your mom, but I think that’s crap. You’re not a slut for being with Rust. It’s not a sin. I won’t lie. It’s wrong. Seriously wrong. I think it could blow up, but it’s not wrong for that reason.”
“For Brad,” I mutter. “Breaking his heart. Ruining his life when he’s already sacrificed so much for me.”
“What are you going to do?” Chrissy asks.
“I don’t know. Rust wanted to tell Brad as soon as it happened. He wanted to do the right thing. I guess he’s just way more honorable than me. I know it’s the right thing to do. When Brad almost caught us yesterday, Rust said we should tell him then, but I couldn’t just drop it on him like that. Or maybe that’s an excuse. I don’t know. It feels so difficult to do the right thing, but am I really trying?”
“I think you’ll have to tell him eventually unless you’re going to get rid of the—”
“I can’t,” I tell her, moving a hand across my belly. “As soon as Rust spun me around the room and I saw how happy he was, I knew I couldn’t. Even before that… No, never. I don’t think I could ever do that. I love them already.”
“A baby at eighteen.” She blows out a long breath. “That’s a lot to ask of a person.”
“I’ll be nineteen by then,” I say, trying to laugh, but it sounds all wrong.
“Do you think you can handle it?” she asks.
“If it weren’t for Brad, I’d say yes, but what if my baby’s uncle hates his dad? What if Brad and Rust can’t ever be in the same room together? What if Brad disowns me?”
“I don’t think he’d do that,” Chrissy says, but she doesn’t sound anywhere near certain. How could she be? This is uncharted territory for both of us. “What does Rust think about the age gap?”
I sigh. “He basically thinks it makes him a perv. He hasn’t come right out and said that, but that’s the vibe I get.”
Pausing, I listen for sounds of movement in the next room. As usual, I feel like the crappiest person in the world for worrying about sneaking around right now, but that’s what I’ve lowered myself to. “You sinful…”