Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 56257 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 281(@200wpm)___ 225(@250wpm)___ 188(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56257 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 281(@200wpm)___ 225(@250wpm)___ 188(@300wpm)
“I wish you’d stop saying it like that. Eighteen. Like it means I’m not even a person.”
“You can’t even drink,” he says.
“Who cares? You don’t drink.”
Another step closer. A shimmer jolts through me when he darts his big, fast hands out and grabs my hips. Again, something in my body calls out to him and tries to latch on. Like my soul is sending signals through my nerves to fuck him again without pulling out this time. We didn’t even wear a condom.
“It’s not about that,” he snaps. “It’s the point. I should’ve known better.”
“I should’ve known better, too. Stop trying to take responsibility away from me.”
It’s so wrong—“You think, dear, really?”—but I grab his shirt and pull myself to my tiptoes. I kiss him passionately, feeling his body respond, but then the guilt gets to be too much. Now Brad’s in my head, too, frowning at me. He’s not angry, just disappointed, but is that right? Wouldn’t he hate me?
I use Rust’s shirt to push him away. I take a few steps back, standing behind the chair. He stays in place, fists clenched like it’s difficult for him not to leap across the room at me. That would feel so good again. He could take responsibility. My ass still aches from his hands spanking me, owning me.
“We have to tell Brad,” he says after a pause.
“Wait, what?” I gasp, already shaking my head. “Why would we do that?”
“Because it’s the right thing to do. I’ve never had secrets from him, well, until recently.”
“Until recently?”
His eyes glint as he looks at me despite my frumpy outfit. He seems just as interested as before. “There was a moment. You were going to a poetry reading. You came down the stairs and asked how you looked, and it was like I was seeing you for the first time.”
I remember that. Earlier this year. “Yeah?” I murmur.
“You were beautiful. It was like you’d become someone else. I tried to fight it, but I failed. Now it’s time to face the music.”
“We can’t tell Brad. It would ruin him.”
“We’ve already ruined him by doing this,” Rust says matter-of-factly. “Keeping it secret will just make it worse.”
“Only if we do it again.” There’s a hitch in my voice. The idea of never being intimate with him again is horrible to me, but it’s the best for Brad and my guilt. “Which we can’t. You know that, right?” I add for emphasis.
“I knew I shouldn’t have done it the first time,” Rust says, “but you’re too damn irresistible.”
“Stop.” I look away from the hunger in his eyes, triggering so many things in me. “We’ll just have to pretend this never happened.”
“Can you do that?” he says.
“We have to.”
He sits down and runs his hand through his hair, looking more tense than I’ve ever seen him. It’s like I’ve awoken something in him. Part of me wants to run around the room giddily, punching the air. “We took each other’s virginity!” I’ll yell. I believe he was a virgin, too. Brad’s never mentioned women. I’ve never seen anything online.
I sit opposite him. He’s moved the coffee table back into place, so we have a barrier between us.
“It was just sex, right?” I say.
“Don’t say that, Mary. It wasn’t just sex. Sex isn’t some small thing. It means a lot to a person to do that. It should, anyway.”
“Most women my age have had sex hundreds of times, probably,” I tell him.
He sighs. “I think it should mean something. It meant something to us, and you felt it, too.”
“Maybe it did,” I say, but there’s no maybe about it. I felt the feeling, my body fusing to his, my soul sparkling. “Sparkling in sin?” I shake my head, dispelling Mom’s words and focusing on the now. “But that changes nothing. You and Brad are too close. It would wreck him. He’ll never find out if we’re good and never do this again.”
Rust stands, walks around the table, and sits beside me, but he doesn’t touch me. He looms over, staring. “Hiding it doesn’t change anything. I still did what I did.”
“We did what we did,” I correct him. “Stop trying to take all the credit. The blame.” I quickly correct myself this time. “You don’t get to make this decision on your own. You can’t tell him without me.”
“Then you better agree,” he snaps.
“No, I won’t. It’s not the right thing for Brad.”
“For Brad or for you?” He leans down, his breath hot on my skin.
Like the first time, I’m unsure who initiates this kiss. It’s like the passion of our conflict can become romantic passion just as quickly. He slides his hand down my body toward my hip, tingling tendrils teasing all over me, but then he stops, leaning away.
“You’re so tempting, Mary. So beautiful. So perfect. So damn sexy.”