Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 98487 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 492(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98487 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 492(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
A tear runs down my cheek as his words rattle my soul. It’s everything I want to believe, and coming from my hero, I should totally know it’s the truth. But this nagging feeling in my mind tells me he has to say this. I’m his son; he has to keep me going.
Dad reaches out then, brushing aside my tear before taking my jaw in his hand. “I can see the wheels turning in your head, Evan, and I know you’re trying to doubt everything I’m saying. But I’ve been thinking and forming these words since you called and told us you were coming home. It’s my truth, and I need you to believe me. Stop holding yourself back and tiptoeing around me. I love you, son—all of you—and nothing will ever change that or make me less proud of you.”
I’m unable to speak, and I think he knows that. He pulls me into another suffocating hug, and I wish he could absorb me so then maybe I’d be just as awesome as Shea Adler. While he may think I’m great the way I am, I want nothing more than to be everything that he is. I wish I could believe his words and know that I am.
But the doubt is there, ruining it all, and I wish… Fuck, I wish it would stop.
six
Callie
We have two training sessions a day, five days a week, with open gym on Saturday. Our morning training, which is conditioning and weight lifting, is optional in the sense that you only have to go to three a week. With classes and everything, the time slot might not work for some, but I schedule my classes around gym. School comes easy to me because I’ve worked so hard to be a good gymnast, and that has taught me so much. Time management, goal seeking, goal achieving… I mean, the list is endless. Is it easy? Hell no. Can it be toxic? Absolutely, but I work past that.
I used to dwell because of the toxic behavior. Now, I acknowledge it and move on. I either change the situation, if I can, or I walk away completely. The issues with my dad were hard to change, and walking away was ultimately what we had to do. Aviva would kick him out, but he always came back, and he always stole from her again. Always. It is so frustrating to know all the details now, because back then, she hid a lot.
Aviva did her best to give me a childhood and a loving home. Despite the toxicity my father brought with him. I know her goal was to keep us both from having daddy issues. It was a valiant effort, but unfortunately, it took growth for me to realize he not only stopped loving both Aviva and me when our mom died, but he stopped loving himself. I even wonder if he loved us before my mom died. I asked Aviva that once, which was a mistake. She was pregnant and freaked out, crying, because I guess she’d never really thought of it before. For me, I always believed that. It was the only answer as to how he could turn his back on us so easily and move to addiction.
Gymnastics and Aviva saved me. Aviva loved me more than anyone could ever love someone, more than any sister was supposed to, and gymnastics gave me that outlet. I was mad? Cool, let’s run full force at a vault and fly into the air. I was sad? Shit, watch me land acrobatic skills on a beam to know how badass I am. I struggled on bars at first—most do—but it made me obsessed with getting better. Floor, I’m a natural, and I enjoy the show I get to put on. It’s my outlet, my happy place, and so I tend to overwork myself. I do it to remind myself that I’m incredible, even though I wasn’t enough for my dad.
Cam walks beside me, pulling her hair up in a high bun while I fix my ACOB shirt, the acronym standing for Autism Center of Bellevue.
“Did you hear Coach? We have a new therapist this year.”
I bring in my brows. “But Tammy isn’t graduating yet.”
“She moved to the swim team since, you know, her boyfriend is over there.”
I feign hurt. “Left us behind for dick! The audacity!”
She snickers as she fixes her scrubs. Our colors are teal and black here at Bellevue, but the dentistry program scrubs are a seafoam green. It’s weird. I don’t know why they didn’t go with our school colors, but I assume maybe they didn’t want to confuse the nursing and medical programs, which use teal and black, with the dentistry program. I think I would have gone with white or something. I don’t even know why I care. I feel sometimes as if I’ve picked up Nico’s little quirks. Small things drive me crazy when they shouldn’t.