Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 57240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
He should’ve known that I just needed to blow off some steam. It’s not like it was the first time we’d argued. And why her? He had to know that pregnancy or not, that would destroy me.
“Do you remember what we were fighting about?”
I stopped struggling at his words. “Sorta.”
“You were mad because you said I was trying to control you, you called me emotionally abusive because as you put it, I was always telling you what to do. Do you remember what it was that you wanted to do that weekend? You wanted to go off with Leslie and the others to some frat party out of town. Leslie, remember her?”
Shit, no wonder I’d blocked that part. Leslie was known for making trouble back when we were in high school. She was into everything from drugs to supplying underage girls for men or so the rumors had gone.
She’d invited me, and a few others to a party and since my friends were onboard I hadn’t seen the harm. But as soon as I’d mentioned it to him he’d lost it.
“Did you ever hear about what happened at that party? By the time you returned our lives had been turned upside down so you may not have heard, but a girl OD’d and another was gang raped. Is that what you wanted me to let you walk into?” He shook me a little.
“I knew about Leslie, I tried to shield you from some of the more disgusting stories about what she was up to, that’s all I was doing that night. But you went off and ripped into me. You threw my ring at me and told me to stay away from you, that you hated the way I tried to control your life. You said you didn’t want to spend the rest of your life with a man like me, that one day my abuse would become physical.”
Oh damn, he was right. I did say those things, but I never meant a word of it. “I was just mad Nicky. How could one stupid argument over a party that I never really had that much interest in lead to so much pain? It’s so unfair.”
He held me tenderly, just as he always had when I was emotionally distraught about something. It was the only time I ever felt completely safe; and I’d lived without it for so many years. No safety net, no one to have my back unconditionally.
“I feel like a huge part of my life was stolen from me, something I’d never get back no matter what. I will never be your first wife, never be the mother of your first…child. I’m always going to be second best.”
The thought gutted me but it was true. Someone else had beaten me to it. Someone that never should have been in that position. She’s gone yes, but I won’t lie and pretend grief or sorrow.
She was a horrible person who I still to this day believe set out to deliberately destroy what we had, because she couldn’t have it. In the end she did and that’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life.
“What? Never, that’s not true, what the hell are you talking about? You’ve always been my first everything…”
“No Nick, your son, I know how much you loved him, even before he was born. When it came down to it you chose them over me. I know that sounds selfish but it’s how I feel, how I’ve always felt.”
And I felt like the worse sort of human being for even uttering the words out loud.
“Would you have had me desert my son? Is that the kind of man you thought I was?”
“No, I don’t mean that, it’s just, oh I don’t know. All I know is one day my whole world changed and I was left standing on the outside of your life looking in. We spent a whole year together and it was the most passionate, intense time of my life.”
“We were so wrapped up in each other that we stopped being Michelle and Nick. Whenever we were apart people, even our families would ask where the other one was. We were the ‘it’ couple. Everyone saw us as the perfect couple, and then one day you were that with someone else and I was left out in the cold.”
“You got to stay here and raise a family around the people we know, while I had to run off to lick my wounds. It was horrible and dammit Nick it was all your fault.” I guess I didn’t need any help finding the words after all.
He didn’t say a word, just held me in his arms and it felt good to get all that off my chest. “I hated your wife.” I had to get that out there at least. The laughter started in his gut and spilled out into the room. I punched him hard in the gut.