Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 57240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
I was never sure if she’d seen me before the conversation she was having with her best friend started, or if I just happened upon it by accident. But after hearing her gush about how sweet Nick was being and how much she was looking forward to their wedding, I bolted out of there.
I was sick in the parking lot and sick again once I reached my home. My parents took one look at my tear stained face, not to mention my shrieking like the hounds of hell were after me and knew something horrible had happened.
I don’t remember the ride home; don’t know how I didn’t run into a tree or worse. Mom and dad had been in a panic checking me for injuries and begging me to tell them what was wrong.
When I was finally coherent enough to speak, I told them what happened and begged and pleaded to be sent away. I’m not sure what I thought Nick meant when he said he had to be there for the baby.
Maybe in my teenage mind I thought he could take care of the baby from a distance and still have a life with me, after I forgave him and got over my mad of course. But hearing those words from her had shattered what was left of my torn heart.
I left the next day and didn’t look back for years, not even for the holidays. I think mom and dad finally accepted that if I stayed I would’ve become a shell of myself, or worse, bring harm to myself, I was that broken.
I threw myself into my studies, mowing through the curriculum and graduating with honors. College was much of the same. I kept my head down and studied hard. The thought of a relationship left me feeling cold and petrified so there were no distractions.
I got a job right out of school and it was there that I met one of the junior partners. Rob and I weren’t in love, at least I wasn’t. But he was the first man to get enough of a rise out of me to let things go to the next step. I never told him it was because he reminded me of the one I couldn’t have.
The affair lasted less than a year, because although he might have had Nick’s hair and eyes, he wasn’t Nick. Once I realized that I would never stop comparing, I called it off and that was my last foray into the dating world.
Others have shown interest over the years. In fact, hardly a day goes by that I don’t get an offer. But my heart and soul just wasn’t in it.
I spent years reliving our time together. Remembering all the sweet things he used to say to me. I think it hurt as much as it did because I knew he’d meant every word.
It was all just too horrible to think about, so every time his face would flash into my head, or I’d remember something he’d said, I’d throw myself into my work all the harder.
That got me through some days, but there were others that didn’t bear thinking about. I told myself to move on and forget the first half of my life. Just put it out of my head as if it never happened. I forced myself to live my life the best way I could, to not look back.
Then Mom fell sick and dad needed my help, so I was lucky enough to get a transfer from work. I always wondered if I’d gone with this particular company above all the others that had scouted me because I knew they had ties to my hometown.
Whatever, it was easy enough to make the move without losing anything but the apartment I’d been living in. I could’ve bought a home a long time ago, but even that was taken from me. Who was I going to share it with?
I moved back to town but couldn’t go back to my childhood home, too many memories. So I got a place in the city and went back and forth each day before and after work, hoping that I would never run into Nick or his family.
It wasn’t that easy in a small town like ours, but I was able to avoid it for a few weeks at least. But each time I drove down the street to my childhood home, there was a boulder-sized rock in the pit of my stomach.
I didn’t know where he lived with his family, but his parents still lived in the neighborhood. It was just as hard seeing them, as it would’ve been him. They were once my family too, now they were hers.
Of course I ran into old friends from school, some of whom seemed to have forgotten the whole sordid mess or had the decency to pretend to. But there were others who hadn’t and who had no qualms about ripping the bandage off old wounds.