Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 81401 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81401 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
When I feel as if the tears have subsided I look in the mirror at myself and wonder how the hell I got here, to where I am now in life. Over a month ago I was happy, ready to start a family with the man I love, and now look at me. I’m a shell, barely able to function, and all because I allowed that man to break me.
Van is still sitting on the bed when I return. He looks up at me and stands. I’m tempted to go to him, to ask him to ease the pain he’s caused, but know that it’ll only cause more in the end.
“What you’re asking of me is unfair. What you’ve done to me, I will never be able to forget and right now forgiveness is not in my vocabulary.”
“I made a mistake, Zara.”
“But how many times, Van? Because I caught you and you haven’t stopped. Not to mention I know you’ve been with Laura, who I might add is someone we employ. I can’t trust you, and it hurts to say that because you’re someone I have loved for a long time. If you have a problem, get help. Do what you need to do for yourself, but don’t go in thinking that I’m going to be here waiting when you get out.”
I leave Van in the bedroom and head back downstairs. It’s my hope that he’ll use the time to gather the rest of his belongings and take them with him. I need to move on and not seeing his stuff every day will help that.
It’s an hour or so later when he comes downstairs, looking for plastic bags. He finds me sitting in the dark and whispers into my ear that he’s sorry. I believe that he is, but it’s too late. I don’t know if there will ever be a time that I won’t close my eyes and see him with Laura’s assistant on her desk or even picture him with Laura.
When Van leaves, I let the tears flow freely. It’s not a hard cry where I am hyperventilating and doubled over in pain, but one that proves that Van and I are over for good. The high school romance has finally come to an end.
I scour the house for my phone, desperate to send off a message to Laura that she’s fired, only when I find it, there’s a message from Levi thanking me for coming over earlier and asking if I’d like to have coffee with him sometime.
My reply to him is immediate with a resounding yes, and I tell him that tomorrow morning would work. I even go as far as to suggest a place to meet and at what time. It’s only after I send the message, when I realize that maybe I look a bit desperate, but I don’t care. I like his company, and I love that our lifestyles are exact opposites of each other’s, and yet we seem to have a connection. He’s someone that I feel comfortable with, and it’s my hope that he’ll become a good friend.
levi
Twelve
I don’t know what came over me, asking Zara for coffee. My intent was to thank her for coming over and once that sentence was typed out my fingers took over, adding the part about getting coffee. I didn’t even think about it until I looked at the blue bubble and felt a bout of anxiety start to take over as I realized that I probably overstepped the imaginary line in a new relationship. Not that we’re in one or ever will be, but I want to be her friend because I think she could use one right about now.
My mama saw the horror on my face as I was looking at my phone and took it from me. I expected her to chide me, to remind me that the mother of my children had just died and that I should be thinking about them, but she didn’t. She smiled and said that she liked Zara.
Thing is, I like her too and I can’t figure out why. She is nothing like me or the women I’ve dated in the past and the complete opposite of Iris. Truthfully, that scares the shit out of me because after talking to her yesterday, she is nowhere near ready for any guy, let alone someone like me.
I have never understood why people cheat. My parents, both sets of grandparents, and Barbara and her husband have all been married forever. That was what I wanted when I married Iris. Even though we were young, I was determined to make it work. She said fame changed me and she was probably right, but it changed us. She never complained about the money that was coming in or the fancy clothes she got to buy. Iris never worried about buying the girls everything they needed or wondered if she’d have money to buy groceries. My fame took care of all that. It wasn’t until she decided she wasn’t happy that it became a problem for her.