Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 68040 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 340(@200wpm)___ 272(@250wpm)___ 227(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 68040 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 340(@200wpm)___ 272(@250wpm)___ 227(@300wpm)
“That’s enough,” Jonas says, taking his wife’s shoulders in his hands from behind. “You’re angry, and—”
“You’re damn right, I’m angry. We’ve been asking you for years what happened, and you always blow us off. This is a big fucking deal. The biggest. And rather than let us help you through it, you kept it a secret, punished Xander, and ran away. If anyone in this room runs at the first sign of trouble, it’s you, Lorelei. Xander tried to make it right, but you moved all the way to California. You know what? I’m out.”
Lucy stomps to the door, whips it open, and storms out without a backward glance. Jonas sighs, crosses to me, and kisses my cheek. “Blessed be.”
He follows behind Lucy.
“I’m mad, too,” Breena admits softly. “But more than that, I’m hurt that you’ve carried this burden all on your own and didn’t let any of us help. We would have helped you, Lorelei. You’re our sister. I’m so sorry for your loss. The loss for all of us. That baby is so loved, even now.”
With that, Breena stands and takes Giles’s hand.
“I think we’d better go,” he says, and they leave, as well.
“Are you going to yell at me, too?” I ask my mom and Aunt Hilda.
“Thought about it,” Mom says but then shakes her head. “You’re my strong-willed, stubborn girl, and nothing you do surprises me anymore. But you’ve never been the kind to deny when you’re wrong. Or to punish others, especially those you love.”
I blink away fresh tears and watch as Xander turns back to look outside once more.
“What you went through was just horrible,” Aunt Hilda adds. “A tragedy in every sense of the word. And you’re still suffering through it, to this day. Punishing Xander, and in turn yourself, hasn’t helped you heal, darling. That’s not the way. But you already know that.”
“I’m scared,” I whisper and close my eyes.
“There’s no need,” Mom says softly and kisses my cheek. “Hilda, we have some bread dough rising we need to see to.”
“You’re right. Let’s go do that.”
I open my eyes and watch as Mom and Aunt Hilda leave, and then I take a breath and simply hold Xander’s gaze as he sits in the chair opposite mine.
“I don’t know what to do next,” I admit.
He doesn’t answer for a long time. He just sits and watches me. When I see tears form in his gorgeous dark eyes, I can’t help myself from crossing to him, climbing into his lap, wrapping my arms around him, and burying my face in his neck.
He clings to me.
His hands and arms are so strong, and he’s usually careful with me because he knows how strong he is, but right now, those arms and hands clutch me tightly. I hear the breath catching in his lungs.
“I’m sorry.” I pull back to allow him room to bury his face in my neck so I can console him. It never occurred to me until right now that I never allowed us to grieve. We might have lived in the same house for a while after the fact, but I never allowed us a moment to be vulnerable and sad together.
I was just too mad.
And part of me is still angry. But I can’t stand seeing the hurt and not do something to comfort him.
“I didn’t know,” he whispers, and I can feel his hot tears on my neck. “I truly didn’t know, baby. I never would have left you that day if—”
“Okay.” I take his face in my hands and wipe away his tears with my thumbs. “I know you wouldn’t have gone if you’d known.”
“But you did know, and that’s been the point all along.”
I close my eyes and nod, but then it’s as if a door has been opened, and all the resentment and anger just washes right out of it.
Because now, finally, he understands.
“It wasn’t all on you. Not the way the girls made it sound,” Xander says, brushing a piece of my hair off my face and tucking it behind my ear. “I was guarded, too. Defensive. Angry. I thought I was trying to make things right, but I didn’t try that hard. I didn’t know what to do with you. You wouldn’t even look at me.”
“I know. I couldn’t. I felt so guilty and ashamed.”
“Whoa.” He lifts my chin with his finger and frowns at me. “Why would you feel like that?”
“Because I lost our baby, and I knew how much we wanted it. I thought that I must have done something wrong.”
“You didn’t,” he insists. “I heard the doctor myself. He said things like that just happen sometimes, Lorelei.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t believe him.”
“Do you believe it now?”
“I want to say I do, but I don’t know. I look back on that time and wonder if I drank too much caffeine, or—”