Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 100628 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 503(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100628 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 503(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
“I don’t want to fuck other people,” I replied, the words coming out stilted.
“Do you want to be together?” she asked quietly, her eyes on mine.
“Uh—” I panicked.
“That’s what I thought,” she murmured, nodding as she looked away. “That’s fine.”
“I—”
“Rumi, don’t make shit worse, alright?”
“It’s not that I don’t love you, No, you know that. You’re my best friend,” I said clumsily, trying to move toward her again. She stopped me.
“Then let’s do that, okay?” she said softly, smiling at me. “Let’s just be friends, okay?”
“What?”
“Sex just muddies the waters.” Her eyes met mine. “We’re best friends, and I want to stay that way, don’t you?”
“Of course.”
“Then let’s take the sex out of it.”
“No. That’s stupid.”
“Is it?” she asked softly. “Would we even be here right now if we hadn’t started confusing things with sex?”
“I don’t want to stop,” I replied stubbornly. “Do you want to stop?”
“I want to not feel like shit because you’re out fucking other people,” she said simply. “That’s what I want.”
“I already told you I don’t want to fuck other people,” I replied desperately. “Yesterday was fuckin’ idiotic and I already said I was sorry.”
“But you don’t want to be in a relationship with me.”
“I don’t want to be with anyone!”
“So, I shouldn’t be with anyone either?” she asked, her voice so quiet I almost couldn’t hear her. The thought of her with someone else made me irrationally angry.
“Why the fuck are you punishing me? We didn’t agree not to see other people! I apologized for yesterday and I told you it won’t happen again.”
“I’m not punishing you,” she shot back, losing patience. “And I’m not trying to be dramatic. Just let it go.”
“So, you want to just stop,” I spat, cutting her off.
“I don’t want to feel like this anymore,” she yelled at me.
“So don’t! Forgive me for yesterday and let’s go back to how it was before.”
“I don’t want to go back to how it was before.”
“Oh, that’s great.”
“Rumi,” she growled, her hands in fists. “I’m trying to tell you that fucking my best friend occasionally isn’t enough for me.”
“So, this is an ultimatum.”
“No.” She stepped forward and shoved me. “I’m not begging you to be with me, you unmitigated asshole. I’m telling you that I want my best friend back.”
“Your best friend never left!”
“Jesus, I can’t even talk to you,” she said in disgust, spinning away. “Let’s go. We’re already late for the barbecue.”
“We’re not done here.”
“Bullshit. We are. You just refuse to listen.”
“You’re pissed at me—fine! So yell, hit me, whatever. Stop walking away and acting like you’re done.”
“I am done,” she screamed, turning to face me. “What part of that do you not understand? I’m not angry with you! I’m not fucking punishing you!”
“Sure sounds like you’re not angry,” I shot back.
“I’m not angry,” she repeated, still yelling. “I’m sad, okay? I’m fucking sad and I want you to leave me the fuck alone so I can be not sad.”
I didn’t want the confirmation of what I’d seen in her eyes. I didn’t want to know that I’d hurt her. I wanted her to be angry. Anger was better than whatever this was.
“You just keep saying shit so that I’ll, what, be mad at you?” she asked, practically reading my mind. “I’m not mad at you, Rumi, okay? I’m not going to be mad at you. There’s nothing to be mad about. We played with fire and I went in with my eyes wide open, but I still got burned.”
“I told you I wouldn’t fuck anyone else, okay?”
“Wasn’t this supposed to be fun, Rum?” she asked, her voice softening. “It’s not fun for me anymore. Alright? I’m not angry. I just think we should go back to being friends. That’s it. Back when things were simple.”
“This fuckin’ sucks,” I roared, pacing away from her.
“It does,” she replied, watching me from her spot beside the truck. “But things will get back to normal eventually.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I croaked out, remorse making my chest tight.
The quieter she spoke, the shittier I felt. No, I hadn’t done anything wrong—but I’d hurt her, and I knew it. It didn’t matter if I’d done it on purpose or not. I’d had sex with Nova, one of my favorite people in the world, and I’d assumed that we could keep it casual and I’d been wrong.
“I know you didn’t, Rum.”
“We can go back to being just friends.”
“Oh, so what I’ve been saying since you dragged me out here?”
I looked at her, all done up for the barbecue, and I wondered how the fuck I’d ever keep my hands to myself. Even as we discussed being just friends, my hands itched to wrap around her hips. I couldn’t stop imagining her on her knees in front of me and bent over the top of my dresser and laying naked in bed while she fell asleep. Now that the dam had broken, I had zero idea how to repair it.