Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 55744 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 279(@200wpm)___ 223(@250wpm)___ 186(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55744 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 279(@200wpm)___ 223(@250wpm)___ 186(@300wpm)
But she had to tell him. She knew she did. And then she had to let him go. She loved Nick but she had to let him go. For his happiness.
To stop it from trembling, she bit her lip until she tasted blood.
****
The minutes in the elevator were some of the most confusing moments of Nick's life. Everything had been damn perfect the entire day. Courtney had worn white to the ceremony, just as he'd requested. He'd had no idea what kind of flowers she would want or if she'd want any at all. He'd bought her a dozen long-stemmed roses, a corsage that would pin to her dress, another that she could wear on her wrist, and finally, a bouquet of flowers she could carry if that was her choice. She'd seemed flabbergasted by all the flowers, but she'd smiled and thrown her arms around him.
They'd made love before they left for the Belleville Courthouse, arriving exactly twenty-five hours after they'd bought the marriage license. They'd been held up because Nick had ruined both Courtney's hair and make-up and she'd insisted on repairing them. She'd looked beautiful mussed up, and it had been his inclination to refuse her the time, so ready to get the deed accomplished, but he'd swallowed down his aggression and been considerate.
The ceremony itself had been quick but it seemed to make Courtney happy. She'd been agreeable to everything all day. He knew he'd made that quip about her not travelling anymore, but damn, he'd had to get it out there. Anyway, that hadn't been the problem. He'd seen her roll her eyes as if he weren't her boss but the smile had never left her eyes.
Not until he'd mentioned a baby.
At the subject, all the animation had left her face and she'd turned ashen, looking almost ill and gaunt within seconds.
Goddamnit. What in the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn't he learn? Why couldn't he think ahead like a reasonable human being and get his shit straight the first time?
Of course a discussion about having kids so soon might scare or worry her. There were any number of reasons for that, and like a dumbfuck, he'd had to blurt out something that should have been approached with care.
She was right. He was inconsiderate. Insensitive. But he swore to God, before the day was over, he'd get a fucking clue and give her whatever she wanted.
Because there was only one thing in life that he wanted, and that was Courtney Powell. No, scratch that. Courtney Rule.
Oh yeah. He liked the sound of that. Whatever happened, it was too damn late for her to get away from him now. He needed to quit worrying so much. She'd married him. She was his now. He'd make up his blunder to her somehow, and eventually, ease whatever fears she had about having children.
Yeah, he wanted kids someday. But they were still young. Anything could happen. Maybe they'd have a house full of children, maybe they'd have none.
When it came down to it, all he wanted was for Courtney to be happy. Well, happy with him.
Yeah, that's all he wanted.
****
Courtney walked through to her suite of rooms the second the elevator doors opened. Knowing she couldn't put the discussion off, she quickly changed out of the white dress into jeans and a t-shirt, ready for that particular reminder of what had started out to be the happiest day of her life to be gone.
What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she want a baby? That question was crazy; she did want a child. She wanted one desperately. But how could she be so selfish as to bring a child into the world just because she wanted one? What would happen to that baby if something happened to her and Nick? It would be left all alone in the world, all alone to face crushing heartache and pain. Courtney couldn't even take the remotest chance of that happening.
The memory of what she'd been through came back with an unmerciful vengeance. Cold panic ran through her bloodstream at the remembered trauma. And she admitted, it had been traumatic. Looking back, she knew she shouldn't have hidden her pain so well from Justine. She'd tried so hard to ease the older woman's burdens. But really, she'd been little more than a child and she'd done what she'd thought best at the time. But now she realized that she'd needed help. Maybe if she'd had counseling things would be different now.
But they weren't.
She trembled as she prepared herself to face Nick. She wouldn't have a child. She couldn't. That was a heartache that she'd have to live with, but there was no reason that Nick should have to endure the same emptiness in his life. She loved him too much to even think of letting that happen.