Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
“You’re not a bad person, Jackie. You’re only stuck in a loop, but we’re going to break it. Me and you.”
“What makes you think you do a damn thing for me? I’m fine where I am. I’m taking care of myself, which is more than I can say for all the idiots back in my family.”
“No, your daughter is taking care of you.”
“That’s not true,” she says, her voice low and angry. “That’s not true at all.”
“Katherine’s done nothing but sacrifice her own freedom and comfort and self-esteem to keep you alive, and now you have a choice. You can come with me, take my money, try to do right for yourself, or you can damn your daughter to a hellish, miserable life all for your own selfish failures. That’s the choice you’re facing and you don’t have long to make it.”
Jackie looks at me for a long moment. Her anger wanes and she seems to deflate. I think she’s going to agree, but instead she grabs a pack of cigarettes and lights one. She takes a long drag and sighs.
“Daddy used to hit me with a beautiful old walking stick. He said it was from Ireland in the eighteenth century, but I have no clue if that was true or not. He’d hit me with it and hit me with it, and he’d tell me that if I moved and I broke the stick, he’d use the sharp end to kill me. I never told anyone that. Daddy and I were close for a long time, and I loved him so much, but there was always a path, a very narrow path, the correct path, and if I strayed from that path even a few inches he’d bring out the stick. That beautiful stick. Long and dark brown with all these Celtic-looking carvings along the handle, the end tapered. It was hard as hell and strong as anything but I was terrified of breaking that thing.” She takes a long breath and slowly lets it out.
“We were all trapped there,” she says. “But I’m the only one that got out. I’d be dead today if I had stayed, and there are nights where I lie awake and think about my daughter still in that house with that man. I stare at the ceiling and I imagine her crying and I picture Daddy hitting her with that beautiful stick, hitting her over and over while she begs him to stop. But it’s not really her in my dreams, and those aren’t really dreams. They’re memories of what he did to me. I can shut them up for a while, but they never stay quiet for long. I got away from that place, Ford, and I don’t want to go back.”
She lapses into silence. I stare at her and feel a deep, ugly sadness inside of me. These families, they ruin their children by trying to jam them into a perfect mold, and shoving harder when their bodies don’t fit.
“I have scars from the switch my grandpop used,” I tell her softly.
“Me too. Want to compare?”
“No. I want you to come back with me.”
“I’m sorry, Ford. I’m old now and this is what I am. I doubt I’ll ever change.”
“This is your last chance. If you don’t come now, you’re right, you never will. You’ll die in a room like this knowing you left your daughter to suffer for no good reason. I think you know it.”
“Maybe you’re right, but my life isn’t my own and hasn’t been for a long time.” She throws back her beer and sighs. “Speaking of which. I’m going to take a dose. You can stick around if you like, but I’m fine without you too.”
I slowly stand. I’m not in the mood to watch this woman takes intravenous drugs. I head to the door and pause only to look back.
“Don’t do this for me or for your family. Do it for Katherine. I’ll pay for everything and you won’t owe a damn thing to your father. That’s my offer. Real freedom, not whatever this is.”
I turn the knob and step out.
The morning’s nice. The sunlight’s strong on my face. My skin tingles in the fresh air and I wonder how long Jackie’s been in that room, taking drugs all day, sleeping all morning, doing whatever she does at night. I wonder if she realizes how deeply her family controls her still, even all the way out here, even in the depths of her addiction.
I walk down the steps and I make a decision.
I won’t become like her.
Even if Kat never comes back, I won’t go back to my family. I won’t let Grandpop control me the way he wants to control everyone else. Riley can be his little puppet and he can dance for Grandpop while the old man’s still around. I don’t give a damn about them anymore. I want freedom, real freedom, and the only way to get there is to go through all this shit.