Total pages in book: 36
Estimated words: 34054 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 170(@200wpm)___ 136(@250wpm)___ 114(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 34054 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 170(@200wpm)___ 136(@250wpm)___ 114(@300wpm)
“You say that now, but one day, I’ll do something you won’t be able to forgive. One day, I’ll be too much. One day, the fake illusion of happiness we built will crack and collapse on our heads. I can’t have you hating me.”
That was the moment I knew I couldn’t leave Lars. Billie was strong, much stronger than the two of us. The thought of being without her shattered my heart, but forsaking Lars in the darkness felt like a sin. I could live with an ache in my heart, but I couldn’t live knowing I’d left Lars to drown.
“I never believed there would come a time when I’d walk away from you. It was us, through thick and thin, forever. But goddamn it, Lars, she’s a part of us. You’ve got to fix this. We’ve got to fix this. I won’t live another ten years without her.”
Lars turns his head away. “She can’t fuckin’ stand us. No, she can’t stand me. She tolerates you, but she hates me,” he whispers.
I grip his throat and force his eyes on me. “That’s not true. She holds a lot of anger in her heart toward us, and rightfully so. But she doesn’t hate you. If she did, she wouldn’t have fucked you. The love is there, but it can’t bloom until she forgives us.”
14
Lars
Music has been my compass. An anchor holding me in place and the wings which give me flight. Every emotion I’ve ever experienced has been fuel for creating a melody. Rage, love, and heartache were lyrics in my heart, woven into the song. I’ve never had an issue finding words to express emotion until now, standing in the dark and gazing at the sleeping form of the only woman I’ve ever loved.
In the last ten years, I’ve been in the company of the most stunning women on the planet, but Billie Richmond is still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Gazing at her is like being graced with a vision of the Northern Lights fluttering in the dark sky. Wondrous and majestic.
I’ve been sitting here for hours, watching the steady rise and fall of her chest, jealous of the air she breathes and the blanket wrapped around her body.
I’ve accumulated so many regrets. Most of them before I grasped the meaning of the word. But none as profound as the permanent, nauseating gut punch from telling her to walk away. I thought I’d be okay. That her leaving was simply more pain I was forced to endure, but she wasn’t so easy to move past. Billie Richmond was half of my heart. Without her, I was living as half a man.
I tried to catch her while she was up. Ran to her room and banged on the door like a madman, demanding to be let in like a brute. I didn’t blame her for shutting me out. I deserved far worse.
She was in there. Billie wanted me to know she was ignoring me by blaring her music. She picked Limp Bizkit, knowing how shitty I found that band. A genuine smile found its way to my lips. She was spiteful and stubborn because she couldn’t stand that band either, but she’d tolerate them to torture me.
My Billie was too sweet to hurt me. She’d break herself to avoid it. Too bad I wasn’t as good to her. But I wanted to be. God, I wanted to be.
The blanket shifts, exposing her thighs and black panties, and my cock rears its ugly head. Even my dick knows she’s ours. Mine and Cain’s. Our girl. I bat down the lust, keeping my carnal desires for her at bay. I don’t want to touch her until I’ve won her back. She’s right; sex means nothing if I can’t have it forever. I don’t just want her body; I want her heart, her mind, her soul. To consume her the way she consumes me.
I step toward her bedside table and place my lyric book there for her to find. I’m not sure if it’ll do anything, but it’s a step. A vulnerable attempt to get my family back.
“You need to pick a safe word, but you know we don’t have to do this, right? I mean, vanilla is fine. Cain and I can do the other stuff. You don’t need to. What we were doing was great,” I said.
Billie had caught Cain and me. My fear ran rampant, thinking that she was freaked out. Our little menage was already unconventional, but to witness me tied up while he took a crop to me must have freaked her out. I wasn’t sure Billie had even seen a dick before us.
“Can I ask you something? Well, two things.”
I knelt in front of her, taking her hands in mine. “Billie Goat, you can ask me anything.”