Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 147649 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 738(@200wpm)___ 591(@250wpm)___ 492(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 147649 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 738(@200wpm)___ 591(@250wpm)___ 492(@300wpm)
“What are these needs?”
“Never mind my needs, they’re private. Apparently, you have the keys I need to secure transport. Can I have them?” She stares at me, straight in the eyes, and her eyes… flicker a little.
“No.”
“What? What do you mean no? The answer is yes, big man. Yes. Give me the keys to the transport.” She holds out her hand, palm up, and wiggles her fingers in anticipation.
“Nysta. You’re not getting the keys and you’re not going to town.”
“Says who?”
“Says me. You know, the master of this place?”
She looks confused for a moment and yep, I was right. She is using magic cajolery to influence people. And for some reason, it does not work on me.
I smile at her. “I am the master of Saint Mark’s. Whatever magic you’re using on the others? Not gonna work on me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have matters to attend to.”
I push past her and turn the corner of a tomb as she huffs, and sputters, and cusses me in low whispers behind me.
Immediately, I come upon a gathering of drunk satyrs with wood nymphs in their laps. They are kissing, and writhing, and generally doing things that satyrs and wood nymphs do when left to their own devices.
But, my God, enough already.
I just keep going. Even though I hate all these people here mucking up my privacy, and peacefulness, and solitude, I do not want to become the buzzkill guy.
I’m not their mother. I should not care what they do, as long as they’re not hurting anyone. And from what I can tell, everyone is pretty happy with the way things shook out.
So whatever. I let it go.
I turn the final corner of a tomb, heading towards the cathedral, when I notice there is a mob of monsters down in the little back patio area. They are arguing about something.
I lower my head, do not look them in the eye, and mutter, “Please, please, please,” in a praying way as I walk past.
But it doesn’t work. They start calling for me. They don’t say the name Pell—they call me something else—but I know, in their tongue or whatever, this is my name. It comes out as a bunch of syllables mushed together. I can’t even spell it, but if I had to try, I would say the name they’re calling me is Mulfeffur.
Pie has shortened it to Muffler, so of course now they all call me Muffler. “It’s cute,” she said, patting my chest.
That word again.
I look up at the sky just as the mob of monsters approaches me and yell, “I am not cute!”
Everything vibrates and there’s a commotion off to my left as plaster slides down the wall of a tomb.
This voice. That’s another thing. Every time I put emotion into it, it causes something like that to happen. My words shake things.
Just then, Eyebrows appears with his stupid tape measure. He starts measuring my legs. Inner thigh first, like I need another pair of fucking pants. I have an entire closet full already. His hand bumps my dick, and I flash him teeth. In this same moment, Cookie is in my face going on, and on, and on about things I don’t understand, waving a butcher knife around in the air.
Then they’re all there. Complaining about… whatever. And I’m not in the mood, so I growl at them, bare my teeth at them, then say with way too much emotion, “Get out of my way!”
A tomb collapses, and I just sigh.
It’s a good thing this place can repair itself. Because my voice is starting to make a mess of things.
The monsters gasp. Then whisper. Then disperse.
Well, at least that voice is good for something.
But I’m unsettled now. Wood nymphs, and satyrs, and dragons.
Speaking of dragons, this whole thing with Tomas has me worried. And I’m starting to get a sneaking suspicion that this is where Pie is right now. She told me last night—all casual and shit—that she was going to go visit him today.
I, of course, forbade her. Which made her giggle, and pat my chest, and call me cute.
I raise my fist in the air. “I am not cute!”
Another tomb crumbles. Poof. It is dust.
More gasping and whispering occurs all around me. But now the monsters have the good sense to hide behind tombs as they talk their shit.
I go into the cathedral and take the stairs up to the main level seven at a time. This used to be the great hall, and it’s still a pretty great hall, but now it’s a full-time dining room. There are a few monsters lingering by the tables and when I approach, they start pointing to the tables.
“What?” I’m so annoyed now.
They point to the tables again.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Have you seen Pie?”
They argue for a moment, but then one of them points to the hallway that leads to the real dining room, but also leads to the dungeon.