Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 122030 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 610(@200wpm)___ 488(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122030 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 610(@200wpm)___ 488(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
My brain kicks into overdrive. Gabe had texted me to meet him. The prom was lame, and I already had a good buzz on. I thought we were going out to the boathouse to smoke and chill. I had no idea by that point that Casey was missing or that we’d realize later she’d been drugged.
“All right, look. I know it’s not great.”
“Why?” RJ interjects. “Make me understand it.”
I avoid his harsh, questioning gaze. “It’s complicated, okay?”
“No. Complicated is leaving the scene, Fenn. Even if I could wrap my head around that part, you had to go and buddy up to Casey afterward?”
“It wasn’t like some plan I had.”
“Yeah, I bet.” He huffs a sarcastic laugh. “You just accidentally became her best friend.”
“If you’d seen her back then—”
“You’re dating her!” he shouts, throwing himself back in his chair until it bumps against his desk. “For fuck’s sake, dude. That is so beyond messed up.”
“I know. Shit.” I sink onto the couch and drop my head in my hands, tugging at my hair.
It’s not like these thoughts haven’t occurred to me before. All I do is beat myself up over how far out of hand this had gotten over the last several months. How many times I should have stopped myself but was too scared to admit the truth. Too weak to stay away from her.
I’m well aware that I’ve made a lot of bad decisions since prom night, that I had other options available to me, if only I’d been thinking more clearly. At the very least, I could’ve given Casey the partial truth. Admitted I was the one who saved her, and just left Gabe’s name out of it altogether. I could’ve kept the part about finding his jacket to myself while I discreetly tried to piece together his role in all this.
“I wanted to tell her,” I confess. “Maybe not right away, but the moment she and I got closer, it was always on the tip of my tongue. Every time I saw her, I almost blurted it out, but I could never get the words out because I was buried under a mountain of guilt for leaving her there, and I didn’t want her to hate me. And then days went by, and months, and now…” I groan under my breath. “I waited too long. Now if I say something, so much time has passed that it looks like I did have some shady plan.”
Dread squeezes my chest tighter. The moment I tell Casey I’ve been lying by omission, she’ll be gone. I have no doubt about that. And the notion sends me into an agony spiral.
“I wish I didn’t feel this way about her,” I mumble. “It’d be easier if I could leave her alone, but—”
“Stop, man. Listen to yourself for a minute. This isn’t a choice anymore. You’ve had time to figure your shit out and tell her the truth, but it’s not in your hands anymore. Sloane’s seen the video.”
Fuck. There are few things in this world I’m truly afraid of. Sloane is high on that list.
I slowly raise my eyes to his. “What’d she say?”
“Seriously?” RJ is incredulous as he shakes his head. “She’s on the warpath. I’ve kept her at bay so far, but she’s had it with sitting around. She’s talking about telling her dad and turning you in to the cops. Letting them figure it out.”
Another spike of anxiety screams through my chest. A sharp, stabbing sensation that nearly chokes me. Without being able to talk to Gabe, I can’t face an interrogation. I wouldn’t know where to begin, but I can’t throw my oldest friend under the bus.
At the same time, Casey deserves my loyalty too. She’s waited all this time to find out what happened to her. After I kept chickening out each time I felt the urge to come clean, I sort of convinced myself it would eventually soften the blow if I knew the whole story before I told her. Only that hasn’t happened, and it’s looking less likely that it ever will.
Unless I give up Gabe’s name.
And I can’t do that. I owe him, damn it.
“I convinced her to let me talk to you first,” RJ says. “You have to give me something here, Fenn. Otherwise, she’ll run right over me to get to you.”
He’s watching me. Waiting. RJ and I only just got back on good terms, and already I can sense that trust shattering. I hate this. Keeping secrets and lying. I’ve wanted us to have a real relationship as stepbrothers, but here I am again, my loyalties tugged in all directions and feeling like I’m failing all of them.
But I can’t give him what he wants, and it’s making my stomach churn. It doesn’t feel right pointing the finger at Gabe when all I have is a dirty jacket. Because as much as I do trust RJ, I don’t believe for a second he wouldn’t run to Sloane with that information. And Sloane, without a doubt, would give Gabe’s name to the cops in a heartbeat.