Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 97459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Glancing over at T’ia in the endless light of the fruit cave, I see that she is sitting on the ledge and has her neet-eeng in her hands. Two long, pointed bone sticks move back and forth with a clacking motion as she loops a strange thread on the ends, over and over again. She says it is a skill she learned from T’fnee back at Croatoan. That it helps her calm her mind.
Perhaps I should take up neet-eeng. My mind needs a great deal of calming right now. Because the more I gaze at T’ia, the more I wonder what my khui is thinking. She is attractive, true. Her dark hair is springy and thick, and her skin glows with health. She is tall for a human and slim, and I found it thrilling to kiss her back when we first arrived on the beach and she played her kissing games with the males.
Unfortunately, she played kissing games with all the males and I did not feel as if she truly wanted me. After that, I lost interest in her, focusing on F’lor and her cheerful nature. If I had taken a pleasure-mate to the furs, it would have been F’lor, I think. We have been friends and she hinted in the past that she wanted more, but I wanted to wait for resonance.
Surely resonance would tap me soon, I figured, and I did not mind waiting. My khui would show me the perfect female for me, and then we would build our lives together.
But then time passed, and one by one, all the females resonated to others, even F’lor. Now T’ia is the only one left, and I am trying to get to know her after she has been gone for three turns of the seasons. It is proving more difficult than I thought.
“I bet they’re together even now,” T’ia comments as she moves her sticks, looping the string. “I bet they’re just disgustingly happy. She’s probably fixing his hair for him and laughing about that stupid man-bun she gave him.” She scowls down at her project and her sticks slap together angrily. “Stupid I’rec. Stupid F’lor.”
I grunt, because what can I say? T’ia has teased I’rec for many long seasons, and it was assumed they would eventually resonate. F’lor and I have gone back and forth for many seasons, and it was assumed we would eventually resonate, as well. But F’lor and I’rec have resonated to one another, and they are happy.
I should be upset that I have lost out on the female I had selected as mine…but she never truly felt like mine. I am more upset that another option has been taken from me. T’ia is bitter that I’rec did not wait for her, but resonance chooses the mates and it chooses when. She is just letting her anger and frustration speak for her.
It makes it hard to look at her and think of her as a future mate.
I watch her as she works, frowning down at her project. She does not seem happy to be here. “Perhaps you should have remained behind.”
She puts down her neet-eeng and gives me a miserable look. “And what? Watch them kiss constantly? Watch them giggle over each other? Watch them be happy and in love and know that should have been me? No thank you. I’d rather be playing fruit cave detective with the rest of you.”
I do not ask what a dee-teck-tiv is, but some of her words are wrong. “If it was meant to be you, he would have resonated to you.”
Her jaw works. “Maybe if we had come back a day earlier it would have been me.”
“But it was not.”
T’ia shakes her head, not looking at me. “I’m trying to have a pity party and you’re not helping, R’jaal. Aren’t you frustrated? Upset? How can you be so calm?”
“Because resonance decides. If someone was meant to be mine, my khui would let me know.” I shrug, feigning an ease I don’t feel. It is not the loss of F’lor that upsets me, but the knowledge that I am either to be mated with T’ia—who I feel nothing for—or that I must wait even more turns of the seasons for one of the young females to come of age.
That thought disturbs me as well, because I look at them as if they are my own kits, not as potential mates. They are all far too young, and it means I will be alone for a long, long time to come…
Or with T’ia.
Which is why I am here, trying to talk to her. “I am glad you came with us,” I try, attempting to distract her from her disappointment. “Though you should not have snuck away from the group.”
T’ia tosses her mane and adjusts one of her loops. “I needed to get away from the camp, just like you. And you know I’m right—if there’s some computer stuff here, who’s going to help you with it? A’tam? M’tok? S’bren?”