Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 60931 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 305(@200wpm)___ 244(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60931 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 305(@200wpm)___ 244(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
“Do you love Mom?”
He puckers his lips to the side. “Point taken. I’m just saying, don’t be like me and muck it all up.”
I refill the watering can. “Solid advice. Thanks.”
An hour later, Anna texts me.
Anna: Sorry
Eric: Don’t be
Eric: Everything okay?
Anna: No
I don’t know how to reply after getting in trouble for asking too many questions.
Eric: I’m here if you need me
Anna: Thank you
That’s it. No more texts, not even a text bubble that tells me she wants to say more, even if she doesn’t know how to say it.
I grab my shoes and chalk bag and head to the bouldering gym. Over the next three hours, I climb every problem, work out in the weight room, and sit in the sauna. By the time I head home, I’m exhausted, but my mind is calmer.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Anna
I got the job in Spain.
A dream job in a dream location. I start next month, as long as I can physically get there and navigate well enough to work in the office.
I haven’t told anyone. I’m unsure who to tell first, but when Eric’s name pops up on my phone, I take it as a sign.
“Hey.”
“Hey. How’s it going?” he asks.
“Good. Really good … I think.”
He chuckles. “That’s the least convincing really good I’ve ever heard.”
“I got the job in Spain,” I say and immediately hold my breath, waiting for his response.
“That’s … great. I’m … so happy for you.” He doesn’t sound happy. If I failed to convince him with my response, he failed even worse with his.
“Eric?”
“Hmm?”
“I love you.”
Silence.
I clear my throat. “I just need you to know it because feeling loved is nice, even if it changes nothing.”
“What if it changes everything?”
“I’m taking the job.”
“As you should.”
“You’re not mad?”
“Is this why you’ve been so distant?”
“I’ve been distant because I’m five hundred miles away from you.”
“Anna.”
I sigh. “I’ve been distant because something happened.”
“What happened?”
I hate the idea of telling him, but I hate the secret more than the risk that comes with the truth. “Before Shaun went back to be with his mom, he sort of …”
“Sort of what?”
“Kissed me.”
“Fuck.” The whoosh of his frustrated sigh fills my ear. “Of course, he did.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? I didn’t encourage it. It completely caught me off guard.”
“You’re so blind when it comes to him.”
“You mean blindsided.”
“I mean, you have tunnel vision with everything. You see the world how you want it, not how it is.”
“Wow. There you go again, showering me with compliments. Thanks for that. And thanks for taking my side.”
“Anna, there are no sides. I love you because you are joy and happiness personified. Why wouldn’t Shaun fall in love with you for the same reasons? It’s not your fault that you’re so amazing, but it’s not his fault either.”
“Yet, I’m blind. That’s what you said. You implied I’m stupid and naive, living in my own little world. Sorry, Eric. You void every nice word with something offensive.”
“Baby, I’m just—”
“I don’t want to be your ‘baby’ today.”
He sighs. “Anna, what do you want me to say? What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to say and do the right thing … but I don’t want to have to tell you what that is. At least Shaun said the right thing. He didn’t fumble his words. He laid it all out there. And he was willing to do the right thing. I didn’t have to tell him anything. He just knew. And maybe that’s true love. Maybe the only one I’m wearing blinders with is you.”
The first thing I feel is satisfaction. It’s hard to find my voice and even harder to get the words out when they need to be said. But I’ve done it. I just stood up for myself. And for ten whole seconds, it feels incredible.
At the eleventh second, I realize Eric hasn’t said a single word. My pride crumbles into a pile of regret.
“Jesus … I’m sorry. Say something,” I whisper.
“I don’t know what to say,” he says in defeat.
“Ask me if I have feelings for Shaun. Ask me if my feelings for you are more than my feelings for him. Ask me if—”
“I already know you have feelings for Shaun. And I already know your feelings for me are beyond comparison. What I don’t know is if that’s enough. I don’t know if you know my love for you is unwavering. My love for you isn’t dependent on saying or doing the right thing. My love for you accepts imperfections. But more than anything, my love for you is honest. And if you don’t trust that my love for you is greater than any spoken word, greater than a critical observation about a painting, another man’s feelings toward you, or a book … then it isn’t enough. But if my love for you isn’t enough, then no one’s love will be enough. And I know this because no man will love you like I do.”