Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 88119 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88119 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
“Why don’t you kneel down?” I suggested. A blanket of numbness seemed to settle over the emotions raging war inside me, and I was glad for it.
She sank down, her bony knees hitting the shower floor with a thud. It must have hurt but her face didn’t show a sign of pain. I turned the water on, making sure it was hot enough, just on the verge of unbearable. I knew she’d always been cold after waking from a drug daze; the effect probably wasn’t so different with Stanley’s spittle. She let out a small sigh when the hot stream hit her back. I massaged shampoo into her hair and she relaxed into my touch. She looked small and vulnerable with her shoulder blades peeking through her skin. The only towels I could find were in a heap on the floor. I picked up the cleanest of the bunch and wrapped it around my mother.
“What’s taking so long? I want answers!” Stanley bellowed from the bedroom. Penny’s soothing voice followed his outburst, much calmer and quieter.
“Why do you let him treat you like that? You deserve better,” I said through gritted teeth.
Mom’s fingers curled over my shoulder to steady herself, water dripping down her neck. “We both know that isn’t true. I deserve this.”
I searched her eyes. Was she sorry about the way she’d treated me? “Nobody deserves that,” I said. She’d treated me almost as horrible as her changing boyfriends had treated her. She hadn’t hit me or physically abused me, but her silent treatment, hurtful words and disgusted looks had left their scars too. “I don’t get it. Why do you always choose such assholes?”
She didn’t reply. Maybe she didn’t know the answer.
I pushed those thoughts aside and guided my mother back into the bedroom. Stanley, Devon, and Penny were there, each standing with some distance between them and the others. Devon pushed himself off the wall he’d been leaning against.
“Out,” I ordered, avoiding everyone’s eyes.
Penny grabbed her father’s arm and dragged him out; Devon followed with a sympathetic look at me. I couldn’t help but wonder how Alec would have handled the situation, but I knew it was no use dwelling on that. As promised, Penny had found my mother’s clothes. They were spread out on the bed and though they could have used ironing, they were clean.
“Do you live here? Or do you have an apartment somewhere else?” I asked.
I peeked through the curtains down at the parking lot to make sure we weren’t about to get any unwanted visitors. A few more cars had parked there by now. I heard my mother’s breathing grow labored from the effort it took her to dress herself.
“I had a place, but I lost it a while back,” she said, frowning like she was struggling to remember when that had happened.
She probably hadn’t paid rent. It had happened before and had led to a few middle-of-the-night moving schemes when I was a kid. From what I’d seen so far, I didn’t think she earned any money here at Stanley’s. I wasn’t even sure if she was in a state to work on a regular basis.
When she was finally dressed, she sat on the bed, hands clutching the crumpled sheets. Her eyes were glued to me. I rubbed my hands, feeling out of place. “I know about my father. I know who he is.”
If the news shocked her, she hid it well. Maybe the constant use of drugs had messed with her ability to show emotions.
“You shouldn’t be here,” she whispered.
Her words stung in my chest like acid but I tried not to let it show. “I know. You made it perfectly clear the last time I called that you don’t want anything to do with me. And don’t worry, this isn’t a mother-daughter reunion. I’m not asking anything of you. I just need some information.”
She blinked. “I said that for your own protection,” she said.
I scoffed.
“It’s true. I was worried that—this place isn’t safe. People will recognize you here.” I didn’t believe that was the only reason. She’d barely been able to stand my company when we’d still lived under the same roof.
“Why be worried about me now? Were you worried about me when you ignored me for days when I was too young to get it, why you told me I was a freak and that I disgusted you, why you were relieved when the FEA finally picked me up and took me away?”
Her gaze settled on my eyes. “You’re right. I was glad when you were gone.”
There it was: the admission. Of course I’d always known it but hearing the words from her mouth hurt more than I’d thought they would. I should have left it at that, should have steered the conversation toward something that could lead me to Holly but I couldn’t.