Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 104239 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104239 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
“How, for fuck’s sake?” My anger is brewing, bubbling, threatening to boil. This is why she doesn’t need me. How can I make her see?
“Because you’re capable of remorse. When are you going to get it through your head? You’re not evil. You’re not a lost cause. And I know you’re only pushing me away because you think it’s for the best. Not because you don’t actually care about me.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Are you? Tell me you don’t love me.”
“I don’t love you,” I lie.
She accepts this without blinking. “Now tell me the truth.”
She’s tearing me apart. She couldn’t do a better job of it if she used a fucking chainsaw and cut me into pieces. “Don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what? Ask for the truth? Because that’s all I want. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me—if that is true. Because I don’t think it is.”
“You just don’t want it to be.”
“Or maybe you don’t want it to be. But if you were the selfish, heartless son of a bitch you keep trying to make yourself out to be, you wouldn’t be so dead set on protecting me from you. That’s the truth. I know it. I feel it in my heart. What are you so afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid.”
“Then say it. Say what’s true.”
Fuck this. I throw my hands into the air, dropping the towel I’ve been holding all this time. “Fine. You want to hear it? As if it changes anything? I love you.”
She lets out a long sigh, and a look of peace comes over her. “Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“It doesn’t change anything,” I insist even as she scoffs. “I can’t give you everything you deserve, and don’t give me any shit about only you knowing what you deserve. You need a good man at your side. I am not that man, no matter what you think of me. I’ve done things you have no idea about. You don’t need that kind of darkness. Nobody does.”
“But you said it yourself. I see the light in you. And maybe that’s why I’m here, to remind you it exists, so you don’t get lost in it. And if that’s all I’m ever good for—reminding you that you’re a decent person? That’s all I need. Because as much as you say I deserve good things, so do you.”
“That doesn’t mean we belong together. Love alone isn’t enough.”
“Why not? Why can’t you at least give us a chance? That’s all I’m asking for. Instead of being so sure this can only be a bad thing, why not actually find out? Because that’s all I want. A chance to make it work.”
There’s no use in asking if she means it. I know she does. For some reason, she’s got it into her head that I’m worth saving. And dammit, she makes me want to prove her right. Besides, I’m tired of fighting what I need most.
“Okay. Let’s give us a chance.” I hold out my arms, and she walks into them, tears coursing down her cheeks. She wraps her arms around me and squeezes tight, putting all of herself into it the way she does with everything. Leaving no room for doubt.
I hope she doesn’t regret it in the end.
36
DELILAH
“How is everything with the new place?” Celia is all warmth and sunshine over dinner, the first meal where I don’t feel like a completely unwelcome outsider. This time, we’re not staying here. Just visiting. I’m sure that has something to do with it.
Once we found our apartment, Celia insisted we come over for dinner once a week—at least. “You’re so close. It would be a shame not to see more of you.” I have a feeling there’s more to it than that. Maybe Nic wants to keep an eye on his brother, and setting eyes on him at least once a week is part of that. To make sure he stays on the straight and narrow.
“It’s great.” And it is, though, for some reason, I feel like I have to play it up even more while I’m in front of them. “The last of the furniture finally came in, so we’re not eating all of our meals on the sofa anymore.” Though I didn’t mind when we were. It was an excuse to sit down together, watch a movie, and sort of relax. Relaxing is something Lucas isn’t very good at.
“I can’t wait to see it.”
“You’ll have to come by soon.” I smile at Lucas, who nods since his mouth is full.
“I would like to see it, too.” As usual, I get the feeling Nic’s words have a double meaning. He wants to see the apartment to check in and make sure Lucas is doing okay. I get that he wants to do what’s best for his brother, but there are times when he sets my teeth on edge. There’s a line between being a caring brother and acting like a giant know-it-all. I’m sure Nic has done things in his life that he’s not exactly proud of now, no matter how he acts now that he’s married and civilized.