Total pages in book: 158
Estimated words: 145803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 729(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 486(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 729(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 486(@300wpm)
“It doesn’t matter what bad memories any of us have,” Vienna said. “Anything can trigger someone. You can’t compare like that, Shabina. None of us can. I don’t think I’d ever had a panic attack, but squishing myself in a hole in the closet with those two men after me definitely gave me one. I remembered all kinds of things from my childhood.”
Stella reached out and rubbed Shabina’s arm. “I had so many panic attacks it’s a wonder Sam wanted anything to do with me. I had them right in front of him. I’d wake up fighting, not able to breathe. It was so awful. He’s so calm all the time and I was just one giant mess.”
Shabina gave them one of her sweet smiles. “I love living where I do. It’s so peaceful. My café makes me happy. I love to cook, and most of my customers are so sweet. There’s only one or two I can’t seem to win over with food. I’ve worked hard to find balance in my life and be on my own. I go out in the forest and bird-watch. I hike the trails. Mountain bike. There’s so much I can do, but then we do this . . .” She trailed off and looked at the boulder as if it were the very devil. “It gets to me every time.”
“Babe,” Vienna said softly. “You don’t have to climb. No one expects you to do anything upsetting to you. We love your company, but if just being around boulders is uncomfortable, we can skip it. You should have told us.”
“No. That’s the point, Vienna. I want to get over it. I had to work hard to learn to be out on my own. To be in a house alone even with the dogs. I don’t want to be afraid. I want to keep getting stronger. I don’t want to be afraid to take risks. Things others do and don’t even think twice about doing scare me. I’m always telling myself, just take baby steps.”
Shabina always seemed so completely self-possessed. She owned and ran the café by herself. She hiked the forest, bird-watching alone. That was no small feat. The trails she went on were often game trails and one could easily get turned around, but she had confidence in her ability to make her way home. It was true, she always took her dogs with her, but Vienna didn’t think much about that. Most of the time, the others did as well.
“I had a very bad experience when I was fifteen. As you know, my father owns a company that is called on when oil well fires need to be put out. Mom and I always traveled with him. I was kidnapped and held for ransom.” She spoke very matter-of-factly, but she twisted her fingers together in her lap tightly. “My father paid and the ransom was delivered, but they didn’t release me. To make a long story short, I was moved around a lot and they weren’t nice people. I began to think I was never going to get away from them. Finally, I took matters into my own hands and escaped. Unfortunately, they caught up with me when I was climbing up a cliff face. They were pretty sadistic men and made me climb it over and over. I have some ugly scars from that day.”
Vienna was stunned. Shabina had never said a word to her about having such a horrific experience in all the times they’d gone bouldering and encouraged her to climb with them. She felt so ashamed of herself for trying to get Shabina to boulder. Her eyes met Raine’s. Raine knew. Raine hadn’t broken Shabina’s confidence, but then she never did. It was a wonder she never shattered under the weight of all of their secrets.
“Honey.” Vienna had to swallow the lump in her throat. “You should have told us how bouldering triggers those memories. It’s understandable.”
Shabina shook her head. “I want to boulder. I need to do this for myself. I really do. It’s just that it’s really difficult and I talk myself out of it. You all have to help me not do that.”
Vienna wasn’t certain she could be the one to make Shabina face her demons. She hoped one of her friends was stronger than she was.
“Then let’s get this done, Shabina,” Raine said decisively. “You’ve got this. Vienna can spot you. You know she’s the best and won’t let anything happen to you. We’ll help you every step of the way with beta.”
Shabina looked at the boulder and then at Raine. She smiled her serene smile. “I knew it would be you, Raine. Thank you for understanding. I have to do this for me. I don’t want to spend my entire life afraid. I need all of you to help me take this next step.”