Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 68102 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 341(@200wpm)___ 272(@250wpm)___ 227(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 68102 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 341(@200wpm)___ 272(@250wpm)___ 227(@300wpm)
She choked on a sob.
You can’t let everything go.
It’s not safe.
But she couldn’t seem to control herself. She scrubbed at her skin relentlessly as she sat there. She washed herself until she was red. Until her skin stung.
And it still wasn’t enough.
A sob escaped her despite her best efforts to hold it back.
When would enough be enough?
Scrub. Scrub. Scrub.
In the back of her brain, she knew that this wasn’t healthy. That she had to stop.
But she couldn’t seem to make herself do it.
She could feel his touch. And not just from tonight. It was months of him touching her. In the beginning, he hadn’t touched her at all.
But he’d flayed her with his words.
He’d stomped on her, day by day, wearing her down until she’d learned how to block him. But the damage was done. She’d become a shell of the woman she’d used to be.
And she now understood that had been his plan all along.
Smart. Devious.
Wear her down to nothing.
Until she wouldn’t, couldn’t, fight back.
That’s when he’d gotten abusive. Grabbing her too tightly, pulling her hair, pushing her around. Then he’d hit her in the torso. A punishment for something. A way to keep her down.
But it hadn’t had a sexual feel to it until lately.
Then tonight.
Oh, God.
Don’t be sick.
He’s dead.
Except . . . she hadn’t actually checked that he was.
Oh God.
What if he was still alive? What if he spilled her last secret?
Her breathing grew sharp. Her skin stung, her back ached, and her mind was splintering.
She had to find out whether he was dead.
Idiot!
But when she tried to get up, her back seized, making her cry out.
Shit!
She couldn’t move.
The pain was agonizing. It made her feel sick and made tears drip down her cheeks.
Panic flooded her.
What was she going to do? She couldn’t stay sitting here on the shower floor.
Could she crawl out of here?
Another sob escaped her as she attempted to roll around onto her hands and knees.
“Sofia? Are you in here?”
She let out a surprised cry.
Holy heck.
Colm was here.
In her bedroom.
The door between the bedroom and bathroom was partially open. If he peeked inside.
Move, Sofia!
But she couldn’t. The fact was, she needed his help. But she didn’t know how she could possibly ask him.
She didn’t want him to see her like this . . . broken and . . . not beautiful.
“Sofia? If you don’t answer me, I’m coming in there.”
“I’m in the shower!” she managed to call out. “I’m naked!”
Good one, Sofia.
“Well, I assumed you would be, Squirt,” he said with amusement.
Great.
She was Squirt again. He definitely couldn’t come in and see her like this.
“You need to come out,” he said firmly. “You’ve been in there long enough.”
Excuses swirled through her mind, but she couldn’t seem to grasp hold of one. She was so overstimulated that even the feel of the water against her skin was now too much to take.
It felt punishing, almost.
Mocking her.
No matter how much you wash, you’ll never be clean.
No matter how much you dream, you’ll never be free.
Shit.
Her breathing had grown rapid, shallow. Sofia rubbed at her chest. She knew this feeling well.
A panic attack.
No, no, no.
Get yourself under control.
“Sofia! Sofia, answer me.”
Shit. The irritation and urgency in his voice told her that he might have been speaking for a while without her answering.
“W-what . . . is . . . it?” she asked through her pants.
“Fuck. Baby, just hang on. I’m coming in.”
She didn’t have the energy to tell him to leave.
Besides, she thought she might just need some help.
The glass door was pulled open, but she kept her gaze down. The last thing she wanted to see was pity.
Or indifference.
Or . . . horror.
God. A sob escaped as she covered her face with her hands as best as she could, still trying desperately to catch her breath.
“Fuck. Baby, I’m going to get you out of there.”
The water turned off.
A relief in some ways. Now that it was quieter, she could breathe a bit easier. She hadn’t realized the noise had been adding to her issues.
“Easy, baby. You’re going to be fine. I’m here. I’m going to take care of you.”
But he shouldn’t have to.
“S-sorry,” she managed to get out as he wrapped a towel around her.
“Fuck, you’ve burned yourself.”
She managed to look up at him briefly and saw the way he was staring at her skin in horror.
“Not . . . burns.” Shamed filled her as he continued to stare.
She felt like a sideshow at the circus.
And her breathing grew more rapid again.
Fuck.
“Hey, hey, baby. Look at me.”
Sofia shook her head. She couldn’t. She couldn’t bear to see the way he was staring at her now.
“I d-don’t want your p-pity,” she managed to say.
“Pity? Why would I pity you?”
“Because . . . I’m . . . pathetic!” The words were spat out, filled with self-loathing. Would he agree with her?