Total pages in book: 178
Estimated words: 170884 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 854(@200wpm)___ 684(@250wpm)___ 570(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 170884 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 854(@200wpm)___ 684(@250wpm)___ 570(@300wpm)
Az moved to put his hands on his hips, but when he touched his wound, he grimaced then glared at me. “I can’t believe you shot me.”
“You asked for it,” I returned because he deserved what he got and was lucky I didn’t aim to kill.
“You crazy bitch,” he said once more, crossing the room. Before he made it to me, I stood, waiting. The moment he was close enough, he slid his arms around my waist and lowered his face to mine, pressing soft kisses to my lips, and I loved how he made me feel tipsy. His aftershave smelt so good I wanted to lick a line from his neck all the way down to his cock. I put my hands to his chest, liking the way he made me feel so small. He made a sound low in his throat then spoke between kisses. “My crazy bitch.”
I closed my eyes, pressing myself into him. “I didn’t want to.”
“I know,” he said. “I could see you didn’t. I’m sorry for pushing. I just,” he sighed, “really fucking missed you, baby.” His eyes bore into me. “Tell me you love me.”
No.
I shook my head, my eyes sad. He couldn’t ask that of me. I couldn’t give him that. He wasn’t mine. He never would be. We were stupid for attempting something that could never be, but I had never wanted anyone the way I wanted this man. I loved him more than was wise.
So I pushed. Running my nails down his chest, I looked up into his eyes, and muttered, “Come to bed with me.”
I wasn’t expecting the response I got.
“Okay,” he replied, and when he smiled that billion-dollar smile, I couldn’t help but return it. God, he was everything. He couldn’t separate himself from me long enough to walk the short distance, and I laughed as we stumbled into the bedroom, smiling into this beautiful man’s kisses. Deft fingers unzipped my dress, and when it slid to the ground, I stepped out of it, making the brief walk over to the bed and climbing onto it with a grin. Once I assumed the position—on all fours with my ass in the air, head down into the covers, and my hands behind my back submissively—I breathed out, “Fuck me, baby.”
A long while passed, and when I realized he hadn’t moved, I sat up, looking back at him over my shoulder. I saw him gazing up at the ceiling, wearing an expression of pure frustration.
My heart sank. “What’s wrong?”
He averted his gaze. “This wasn’t what I had in mind.” His lips thinned. “I don’t want this.”
Pride had me grating on the inside. “You don’t want me?”
“I do,” he assured me. “More than anything. But not like this, Ling.” His eyes showed his unhappiness. “Not like this.”
What? How were we meant to fuck then?
I sat on the edge of the bed in my underwear and looked at him, puzzled. “We can do it however you want, Az. How do you want me? Handcuffed? Tied up? Blindfolded? I got a school uniform somewhere around here. I can call you Daddy. What’s your pleasure?” When he closed his eyes tightly and let out a curse, I started to get pissed. “I need you to talk to me, baby. What’s happening here? Because I’m pretty fucking confused.” My brows knitted. “I thought you wanted this.”
“Come here,” was all he said, pinching the bridge of his nose, and when I approached carefully, he looked down at me, and uttered, “Do you have any idea of how much I want you?” I looked down at his straining jeans, but he laughed softly. “No. Not like that.” He put my hand to his chest, just over his heart. “Here. This is where I want you.” He moved my fingers to his lips. “I need you here too.” When he tugged my hand to his temple, he looked me deep in the eye, and explained, “I want to share everything with you. My body, my heart, my mind, I want to give it all to you. Just you. But—” His brows lowered as a thought hit him. “—I don’t think you know how to share that way, do you, baby?”
What he was asking of me, I couldn’t give. Not because I didn’t want to. Because I never had it in the first place. I was desensitized. My feelings were numb. They had been fucked out of me at a very young age. But if I had those things, if I could give those things to anyone, I would give them to Aslan Sadik.
“I can’t,” I told him miserably, wanting so badly to be what he needed.
And for the first time in my adult life, I felt horribly inadequate and completely flawed.
What a strange, depressing feeling.
He took my hand and pressed his lips to my knuckles, watching me from lowered lids. When he spoke, he did it softly. “Do you trust me enough to try?”