Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 111775 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 559(@200wpm)___ 447(@250wpm)___ 373(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 111775 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 559(@200wpm)___ 447(@250wpm)___ 373(@300wpm)
Their easy camaraderie was at odds with the nervous tension that had me in a chokehold. Shay found a parking spot not too far from the prison, pulling me aside when we got out. His hand rose to the side of my face, and I didn’t know what he was doing until he slid an air pod into my ear.
“I’ll wait here until you’re done,” he typed. “Text me if you need me to come get you, and I’ll be right there. I’m so proud of you.”
I gripped his hands in mine, levelling my gaze on his. “Thank you,” I breathed, peering up at him. “For being here. This would all be so much harder without you.”
And then I pressed my lips to his, just a whisper, before withdrawing. Shay’s expression was tender. Vivi shot me a knowing grin, and there were a few “Yucks” and “Ewws” from the others. It was such a typical kid response, and the humour of the moment cut through my tension a little.
Shay and I shared a smile before I let go of his hands and stepped back, returning his air pod and flushing at the heat behind his smile, my heart pounding. We’d found our way back to a good place. It was impossible not to notice.
When he returned to the car to wait, I took Eamonn and Shelly’s hands, while Robbie and Vivi walked alongside us. It turned out Christmas Eve was a busy day for visitors, and we had to wait in line.
It was a surreal experience to go through the security check, prison guards searching our belongings and making sure we weren’t concealing any contraband. I was bothered when they searched Eamonn because he was so young, but I knew it was part and parcel of entering a prison.
Before long, we were brought to the visiting room, where lots of families sat at tables catching up. My gaze travelled across the room to where a familiar figure sat. Air stagnated in my lungs. She looked smaller than I remembered her, a few greys peppered through her hair that was an identical shade to mine. Our eyes met, and I didn’t feel how I expected to. Those last few years, my mother had been a phantom in my mind, a dark cloud that hovered over everything I did, every choice I made.
Now, looking at her, she just seemed like an ordinary, harmless middle-aged woman. Not someone to be feared. Then again, it was never a physical fear with her; it was an emotional one. She was the only person in the world who could shatter my confidence and reduce me to nothing with a few carefully chosen words.
Her gaze, which was blank and hard to gauge, left me, only brightening when she turned to the children. Vivi, Robbie and Shelly approached her first because they remembered her more, while Eamonn hung back, still holding my hand.
“Oh my God, look how big you’ve all gotten,” she said, taking in the elder three.
“Hi, Mam,” Vivi said, her eyes a little shiny.
“And Eamonn. My baby, what a little man you’ve grown into. Come here, so I can have a proper look at you.”
I sent him an encouraging glance, and he finally let go of my hand, shyly approaching Mam. I hung back, sitting at the farthest end of the table, while Mam asked the kids all sorts of questions about Ken and Delia, their school, friends, hobbies. They were such normal questions to ask, and I was strangely startled by the mundanity of it all. I’d been a ball of anxiety leading up to the visit, but now we were there, and it was all just so ordinary.
Then I noticed one or two of the other inmates cast wary glances Mam’s way. It tipped me off my mother had power in there. Whatever hierarchy existed in that small female prison, she’d climbed high, and she was feared.
“Mags,” Mam said, finally addressing me. “You’re looking well.”
“Thank you,” I replied stiffly. “You, too.”
She gave a scoff and let the lie slide, changing the subject. “How is your work? Are you still cleaning houses?”
I was about to reply that yes, I was still cleaning houses, because I didn’t want her knowing too much about my life.
“No, Maggie has a new job,” Vivi provided. “Her brother hired her.”
I pressed my lips together. I couldn’t blame Vivi for answering truthfully. She didn’t know Mam like I did, didn’t understand how she was the sort of person to use seemingly innocuous details against you. Then again, I had planned on bringing up Jonathan and my biological father who she’d lied to me about. I just hadn’t built up the nerve yet.
Something flickered behind Mam’s eyes. It was almost reptilian, and I started to remember she wasn’t harmless or ordinary. That was just the facade. Beneath it was a person who was always searching for weaknesses and opportunities. Bits of information she could use to her advantage.