Total pages in book: 119
Estimated words: 114284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 571(@200wpm)___ 457(@250wpm)___ 381(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 571(@200wpm)___ 457(@250wpm)___ 381(@300wpm)
I screwed my eyes shut and scrubbed my hands over my face as the pain slashed through me all over again. It boiled with the anger—and the desperate plea to just quit. The defeat was so overwhelming that I almost lost my footing. I didn’t want this anymore. I was sick of hurting, sick of not solving our problems, sick of being the only bad guy.
“I didn’t know you cared so much,” Macklin said quietly.
Was he— Did he just— Did he say that?
All the pent-up emotions exploded inside me, and a strangled sound escaped. Half laugh, half groan, so much pain. My eyes welled up, and I shook my head. I had to get out of here right fucking now. We were going nowhere. I turned around and headed for the hallway, grief and rage threatening to consume me, and—
“Wait!” he yelled.
The only thing that stopped me in my tracks was the panic in his voice.
So I stood there in the middle of the living room, and I was sure I’d never felt so damn crushed. He wasn’t willing to listen to me, and I couldn’t force myself to admit the part I’d played when he just kept slinging shit my way. He didn’t know I’d cared? That one hurt too much.
Tears spilled over, and I clenched my jaw. I’d let him say his piece, and then I was out of here.
Maybe Macklin and I wouldn’t make it after all.
Fuck.
Just like that, it felt like my chest was about to cave in. The pressure grew by the second and squeezed my lungs, making it difficult to breathe.
He appeared right in front of me, his vision undoubtedly as blurry as mine.
I had absolutely no strength left in my body.
“I lied,” he croaked. “I know you cared.” He whimpered and wiped at his cheeks. “I didn’t see the consequences, Walker. I was so wrapped up in wanting to fix Lane so I could get back to focusing on you.” He sniffled and reached out, his trembling fingers smoothing down my shirt. “And I was angry and hurt because you didn’t want me as much as you used to—just listen to me.”
I wasn’t gonna interrupt, even though I had no fucking clue what he was talking about.
“That’s how messed up I am,” he cried. “No matter how much we wrecked each other last time, I found comfort in how desperate we were for each other. You smothered me, and I rolled around in the feeling even when it suffocated me. This distance—I don’t know how to handle it. It’s there when we’re together too. The…the no rules, the no boundaries, the flexibility. I can’t. I—” He stopped short as the emotions got the best of him.
I swallowed hard and quickly wiped my cheeks. Something shifted within me, a faint spark lighting up in the life-sucking darkness.
He let out a low sob and dropped his forehead to my sternum. “I need to feel like I’m really yours. Like you’re really mine. You’re supposed to be mine, goddammit.” With his tears staining my shirt, he pressed himself even closer and trailed his hands up and around my neck, and he buried his face there. “My leash has to be shorter. I don’t want the so-called freedom to be with whoever I might find hot. I want to be your property, and property asks for permission. And sometimes the Owner says no because he wants his property to himself. Sometimes he says yes so they can have kinky fun together.”
The next breath I took was so liberating that a new round of tears rolled down my cheeks. My chest expanded without its invisible shackles, and I locked him in a tight hug without really deciding to. But this was what I needed to hear. And this was where I had to have him, so close to me that he could barely breathe.
“I wanted you to chase me, Walker. I know it’s childish, but I felt like you didn’t care to claim me.”
I swallowed hard, and he trembled against me.
I understood him all too well, but there were two sides to that desire.
“We live in the real world, Macklin. I will happily hunt you down for the rest of my life—but not when you lie and push me away. Not when you lash out and send me mixed signals. They wear me down—”
“I know.” He got upset again and started clinging to me. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
My last resolve was already shattered.
I felt his lips on my jaw, his tears on my skin, his desperation in the air.
I drank it in and let it fuel me.
“I’m sorry too.” I had to clear my throat. I cupped his face in my hands and forced him to look at me. Those tear-stained cheeks, red eyes, the plea in them—I couldn’t stand it anymore. I sniffled and ghosted my thumbs over his skin. “I went too far with the lack of boundaries.”