Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 76501 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76501 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
I got out of that life and it still clawed me back.
Now I’m something else. Caught between worlds, existing in a liminal space. Not quite awake, not quite asleep. I touch the mirror, and the glass is cool to the touch. Who is this girl, and when can I be myself again? I turn on the water and splash it on my face, and it occurs to me that myself might never come back.
Luca is sitting up in bed when I come out. He’s wearing a black shirt and a light pair of sleep pants. He’s got his phone out and he glances over as I hesitate, staring at the empty side of the bed.
“We talked about this,” he says, putting his phone away.
“It’s one thing to talk about it, and another to actually—” I gesture at the sheets and blankets. “I’ve never slept beside a stranger before.”
“I’m not a stranger. We bonded on the plane.”
I smile slightly. “The way I remember it, I tried to get to know you, and you distracted me before I got anything of substance.”
“You want substance? Get in bed. I’ll give you substance.”
I chew on my cheek. “Hands to yourself.”
“Really? In my own fucking marital bed?”
“We’ll make it a rule. You want me to be comfortable? Hands to yourself until I’m ready.”
He laughs softly and pats the pillow beside him. “Whatever you need, flower. Now get in bed.”
I hesitate, staring at him. I’m in a tank top and pajama bottoms, even though I like to sleep in underwear, but I can’t imagine being this close to him in so little clothing—without him reaching out and touching me. Would that be so awful though? I already know what it’s like to feel his fingers slide down between my legs and to come as he kisses me and touches me—would it be so bad if I let him explore me like that again?
The problem is, it won’t stop there. I won’t want it to stop there. I’ll want more—all of him inside of me—and once we cross that line, I’m afraid there’s no turning back.
I’m biding my time. I’m not getting used to the idea of spending my life with this man. This isn’t forever, and one day I’ll slip out that back door and never come back—and he can deal with the fallout on his own.
Or I’ll put a knife in his chest.
I have to keep reminding myself: I’m biding my time.
For tonight though, I’m his wife, and I know what the deal is.
I climb beneath the covers and pull them up to my chin.
He chuckles softly and turns out the light on his side of the bed. The room’s plunged into darkness and I’m intensely aware of him. Heat rolls over from his side of the bed and it’s like I have a bear on this mattress with me, the way he breathes, the way he moves. He’s so big and so present, and I can’t let my mind drift off to sleep, not with him inches away.
“Tell me something about yourself,” I whisper into the darkness, not sure if he’s listening.
“What do you want to know?”
“Why is this room so empty?”
“I haven’t lived here in years. When I left, I brought everything with me. I have too many bad memories in this house.”
“Your brother?”
“I don’t want to talk about Cab.”
“You and your dad both mentioned something about him.”
“Like I said already.”
I get the hint and change the subject. “Do you have… I don’t know, hobbies?”
“No, flower. I don’t watch superhero movies if that’s what you mean. I don’t collect comic books. I don’t read novels and I don’t listen to vinyl records. That’s not the sort of man you married. You know what I am.”
I close my eyes. Yes, I know a lot of men just like him.
Competent men. Strong men. Better with tools than with computers. He’s clever, ruthless, and fearless. And I still don’t know him at all.
“Tell me something to make me comfortable with this.”
“I’m not concerned with your comfort, flower, so long as you play your role.”
“Well, I’m concerned. Tell me something.”
He takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. “I’ve never lived with a woman before.”
My eyebrows arch. “Really? I don’t know why that surprises me.”
“It shouldn’t. I’ve had girlfriends, but they never last, and I’ve never wanted to let them stay in my life for very long. They’re complications. Besides, I figured I’d marry whoever my father chose one day.”
“I’m the exception?”
“It looks that way, yes.”
“Well, I’ve never had a boyfriend before.” The words come tumbling out and I instantly regret them. “I mean, guys have liked me, and I’ve dated—”
“But you’ve never been serious.” He rolls toward me. I can see him in the dark, staring at me with a strange, hungry expression. “Have you ever—?”