Total pages in book: 147
Estimated words: 137176 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137176 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
“Did he love me?” I asked.
“I can’t answer that,” Sully returned.
“Did I love him?”
Sully shifted slightly. He let out a soft breath of air. “I don’t know that either, JJ. I do know that whatever was happening between you two was real. I could tell by the way you looked at each other.”
“How long? How long were we together?” I asked. Tears stung the backs of my eyes. Although I already knew that I’d been in a relationship with Cass prior to the shooting, it wasn’t enough. I wanted to know everything that was still just one big blank in my head.
“I’m not completely sure, but it wasn’t long. He stayed with us when he got home after being discharged. Within a couple of days, you were both conveniently gone around the same time every night. Cass always said he was going to hang out with friends. Your excuses were more elaborate and sometimes downright ridiculous. Between Cass not having friends besides you and me, and you being an incredibly bad liar, I knew pretty much right away. I think you had maybe three or four nights together before the night you were shot.”
“Four nights,” I said to myself. Would that have even been long enough to form a relationship as intense as the one Cass was remembering? He’d talked about the torment of watching me die and then not being told for two days that I’d survived.
“Long enough,” I murmured.
“What?” Sully asked gently.
“Four nights. It was long enough,” I responded. “Did you know he kissed me one of those nights?”
“Yeah, he told me.”
I probably should have asked my brother when Cass had told him, but those weren’t the words that came out. “It was my first kiss. Ever. Did he tell you that too?”
“No, JJ, he didn’t.”
I nodded. “Do you know what it’s like to not remember something like that?” I asked. Since it was a rhetorical question, I didn’t wait for Sully to respond. “How many people are lucky enough to have their first kiss be with the love of their life?”
“Not enough,” Sully returned. He didn’t seem surprised at my declaration of love.
That was one thing I didn’t have to remember in order to know it. I’d been in love with Cass for a long time, so I knew in my heart that I’d been one of those few lucky ones. But to not remember…
Hot tears began to slide down my face. I didn’t bother swiping them away. I’d been waiting for what seemed like a lifetime for them to finally fall.
“No one visited him, Sully. Not once after he was arrested. Not his family, not Dad, not you…”
“JJ,” my brother began on a long, deep, sad sigh. I could hear the guilt in his voice from just the way he said my name. My brother didn’t do guilt. He didn’t do emotion. He fixed. He solved. He protected.
“I know you don’t want or need to hear this right now, but it was the only way to keep you safe,” Sully began.
“Safe from what?” I asked. My voice sounded dull and lifeless. Why wasn’t I screaming at the top of my lungs? Why wasn’t I demanding straight, direct answers?
Because I was a coward, that was why. I didn’t want to know. Anything my brother said going forward would only place more light on how much Cass had suffered. I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to hear it.
Except I needed to hear it. I owed Cass that. I owed him so much more than that, but I could never take any of it back. I could never make it so he could be in a room with the door closed and not feel the need to see if it was locked from the outside.
“Safe from what?” I repeated firmly.
“Safe from the person who shot you,” Sully responded, clearly reluctant.
“I don’t understand,” I said. “Even if the suspect knew I was still alive, he had to know that I had no memory of that night. It was all over the news. If by some miracle I did eventually remember, the guy would be long gone by now. He accomplished what he needed to. He took out the witness—”
“He shot you first, JJ,” my brother interjected.
I shook my head. The pain that had been receding began to flare to life again. “No,” I said. “That makes no sense. Why go after me first? I read through some of the files at the cabin. They all said I was a block away from the—”
I stopped abruptly when my own words hit me. “The reports said he used a silencer, but I probably wouldn’t have heard the pops,” I murmured as the pieces began to fall into place. “If I had, I would have gone back to the apartment. It would have taken me a couple of minutes, so the guy would have had plenty of time to shoot everyone and flee the scene. I couldn’t have witnessed anything,” I said in disbelief.